I close my eyes and picture the orchard, the way he kissed me in the moonlight. I want him. I want him in a way that I’d not expected to want anyone, ever. He’s under my skin. In my blood. Tangled around my heart.
I close the book and hold it tightly against my chest. I take a few steps into the hall and peer onto the empty landing, where the arched windows show a bare space of pale sky. I want to call out into the silent house, call him back to me. But I don’t.
How can we do this? How can we be together when the world is set to shatter around us?
In the kitchen, the stove is banked to a small fire, and there’s a single candle lit at the altar. I touch my fingers to the salt, then look at the icon, watch the dance of the flame against the Lady. A door scrapes open, and Clover comes out of the stillroom.
“Oh!” She holds up a jar of dried chamomile and laughs. “You couldn’t sleep, either? I never can, after the bonfire.” She moves to the stove, sets the kettle over the fire. “You want some tea?”
When I don’t answer, Clover puts down the jar and comes closer, peering at me curiously. “Are you well? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Her eyes dart nervously to the parlor doorway. “I mean, you haven’t, have you?”
I shake my head. “This was outside my room.”
I hold the book out to her. She flips it open and starts to read. Her brows rise higher with each line.
“Wait. Did Rowan give you this?” She sounds gleeful. “I knew there was something going on between you both!” She pushes her glasses up the bridge of her nose and leans closer to the book, as if she can divine secrets from the ink and paper. Her eyes widen as she turns through the pages. “Violeta, I feel like I need to sit by the altar after reading this.”
“Oh, give it back!” I snatch the book out of her hands and shove it into my pocket. “It’s not what you think.”
“There’s no use denying it. I saw you at the bonfire. The entire village saw you. They’ll be telling stories about you for years.” She pretends to be serious. “The maiden who tamed the monster…”
“Clover, this isn’t funny.”
At the look on my face, Clover quiets and puts her hand on my arm. “You know, it’s all right if you’re not interested in him like that. Not everyone wants a romance.”
I touch my hand to my pocket and feel the crinkle of paper. “I don’t know what I want.”
“There’s never been anyone who you liked before?” She nods to my pocket, where I hid the book. “Liked in that way?”
“You mean like you and Thea?”
She demurs, tugging at her braid. “If she writes me any poetry, you’ll be the first to know about it.”
“I never expected this.” I close my eyes. Picture words from the poem strung one by one, like golden motes in the air. Heart. Moon. Darling. “I never thought I could have this.”
“I expect Rowan feels much the same. He’s not let anyone close since his family died, except for you.” Clover’s expression is serious for a moment, then she grins lasciviously. “If you want my advice, you should at least kiss him once. Anyone who reads that much romantic poetry must be worth kissing.”
“Actually…” My eyes go past her, to the kitchen doorway. Warmth creeps through me as I remember the rasp of the wood under my hands. The feel of his scars—rough—against my mouth.
“Oh, you didn’t.” She claps her hands, pleased. “You did! Well, how was it?”
“It was a mistake. He and I, we absolutely can’t do this.”
“Why not?”
“Would you like me to compile a list?” I fold my arms. “In another week we’ll have to go back and fight the Corruption. We barely have an idea of how to mend it. Unless…”
“Unless you do something ridiculously stupid, which you aren’t going to do.” She levels her gaze at me. “Right?”
“Right.” I swallow hard. “And all of that danger aside, there’s the fact that he’s lost his whole family to the Lord Under, who I can summon. Who I’m connected to. I’ll hurt him, Clover. If I let him love me, he’ll only be hurt.”
She comes over to stand beside me and slips her arm around my waist. “You and Rowan are perfectly suited. Completely stubborn and self-destructive.” She squeezes me gently. “We’re all in this together, you know that, don’t you? We’re going to figure this out. The ritual, I mean.”