He laughs a little, soft and throaty without much mirth. “Nothing worth it ever is.”
I close my eyes and see the expression on your face as I last saw it—anger, confusion, fear, relief.
A day will come when I don’t see the light draining from you, feel the weight of you in my arms as the life leaves your body.
A day will come when my injuries heal, and my grief abates, and I don’t jump at every shadow and loud noise. There will be a time when I don’t see you in every crowd, find you in the shadowy alleys of every street. And I know this, because I have survived horrors before. And life grows over damage, covering it with new growth, and there will be all new storms, and fires, and broken pieces, and healing again. That’s the way of it.
When I open my eyes, I see Bailey’s smile—full of life and promise and laughter. He does look like Jay, a lot. And that’s a comfort.
A day will come when I give birth to your child. She’ll come into the world in a wash of blood and pain, a flood of tears, just as you left it. And I will weep with joy.
I will love her without fear or worry of who she will become, or how much of you is in her. Because I will give her all of myself and the people I have gathered in my life. It will be enough.
I, too, come from darkness, and have found a path to the light.
I’ll show her the way. We’ll show her the way.
Love is the way.
Keep reading for an excerpt from Confessions on the 7:45 by Lisa Unger.
acknowledgments
Interestingly enough, writing your nineteenth novel isn’t any easier than writing your first. In fact, in some ways it’s harder. And that’s okay. Nothing worth doing is ever easy. And I guess if I ever sit down and think, No problem. I’ve got this, that might be the day that I decide to hang it up. But even though the writing of each novel is a journey I must make alone—at least the first draft—luckily, publishing is a team effort. And I am blessed to be supported by some of the best people I know.
Every book I write is for my husband, Jeffrey, and our daughter, Ocean Rae. They are the home team, bolstering, supporting, making me laugh, keeping me sane, and filling my life with love. It’s not easy living with a writer—lots of ups and downs! I’m sorry! I love you guys more than anything. Thank you for being on this crazy Tilt-A-Whirl with me and making it a blast. And of course, my beloved labradoodle, Jak Jak, is always at my feet or by my side, reminding me to get on with it so we can play ball.
My deep and heartfelt thanks to my compassionate, thoughtful, and wise—and oh wow let’s not forget patient!—editor, Erika Imranyi. I think the books I have written for her are the best of my career. Thanks, Erika, for your steady and guiding hand. Meanwhile, HarperCollins/Harlequin/Park Row Books is a dream publisher. My most profound gratitude goes to the amazing team members in the US, Canada, and the UK, from the stellar copy editor to the brilliant art departments to the intrepid sales teams. Special thanks to Loriana Sacilotto, executive vice president and publisher, and Margaret Marbury, vice president of editorial, for their tremendous leadership and passion. And I’m so grateful for publicist extraordinaire Roxanne Jones.
My agent, Amy Berkower, and her assistant, Meridith Viguet, of the stellar Writers House agency are my tireless champions and fearless navigators of the big waters of the writing life. I am so grateful for their support, wisdom, and good humor.
I am blessed with a wonderful network of friends who cheer me through the good days and offer a hand through the bad. Erin Mitchell is an early reader, tireless promoter, inbox wrangler, voice of wisdom, and pal. I am in an ongoing text conversation with Alafair Burke and Karin Slaughter about all things life, writing, and business. It’s a constant source of comfort and laughter. The #authortalks team of J.T. Ellison, Heather Gudenkauf, and Mary Kubica are truly a powerhouse group of stellar writers and sage voices. Love our talks about craft, creativity, and the writing life. Heather Mikesell is forever bestie and eagle-eyed reader. Nothing feels done until she’s read it. My dear friend Jennifer Manfrey is always standing by to “give me a session” or talk through some obsession. Thanks for not hanging up every time I say, “So, I’ve been doing a little research…”
My mom, Virginia Miscione, a former librarian, gave me my love of story. And she remains one of my very first and most important readers. I made a change for her in this book—she knows what it is! And I’m so glad I did. My dad, Joseph, and brother, Joe, are captains of Team PA and Team VA, tirelessly flogging, facing out, and giving away books. Their ongoing support means everything.