“Don’t you understand?” Shirley came over to the table and pulled out a chair, sitting down and facing her. “Lily, you have to snap out of it. Obviously they brought you there against your will—or they were seducing you or—I don’t even want to think about what they’d want with a Chinese girl. It’s disgusting. But you can fight it. Don’t let this ruin your life. Kathleen Miller’s out of the picture now that she’s been arrested—thank God for that—but you need to admit to your mistakes. Maybe it’s not too late for you and Will. I can talk to him.”
As Shirley went on about talking to Will and how he still had feelings for her and how this must be a phase, Lily’s heart beat faster and faster. She had to bend over and put her head in her hands while she took several deep breaths. Below her on the wooden floor was a scattering of crumbs that must have fallen from her toast, hours ago. She thought, inanely, that she had better clean that up before her mother returned.
“I’ll talk to Wallace Lai too,” Shirley continued. “I’ll tell him it was all a mistake, and he can tell whoever else he told that it was a mistake.”
“Stop it,” Lily said, her words muffled by her hands.
“Unfortunately he wasn’t alone when he saw you. Some others might already know, but I told Calvin to tell Wallace that you weren’t like that. I told him—”
“Stop it!” Lily stood up, pushing her chair back violently. The legs screeched across the floor.
“Lily—”
“Nobody made me go there,” Lily said angrily. “Nobody forced me to do anything. I went there because I wanted to. I don’t want to go on any dates with Will Chan, and you know he doesn’t want to have anything to do with me! We are not going to be double-dating with Calvin and Will—isn’t that what you want? I know you’re dating Calvin. I saw him drop you off in North Beach.”
Shirley’s face went white. “What does that have to do with this?”
“You said I was lying to you. You were lying to me too.”
Shirley, who had been gaping up at Lily, got to her feet. “If you know so much, you know why I kept that to myself.”
“Because he’s a Communist.”
“He’s not a Communist! Don’t be a child. He’s not a Communist—he’s an American with a right to go to whatever meetings he wants to go to. There’s nothing wrong with Calvin. I love him.” Shirley’s face flushed as she spoke, her voice rising. “But there’s everything wrong with that nightclub. And with Kathleen Miller. The shame you will bring on your family—”
“Shame?” Lily interrupted. “You know what’s worse than shame? Being deported.”
Shirley flinched.
“You can believe whatever you want about Calvin, but it doesn’t matter if he’s really a Communist as long as the government thinks he is one. Did you know the FBI interviewed my father about him? Did Calvin tell you? They wanted my father to say Calvin was a known Communist, and he wouldn’t, so they took his citizenship papers. My father is in danger because he was protecting your boyfriend! If they deport my father because your boyfriend wants to be an American who can go to meetings— You’re being so stupid!”
Lily was breathless with anger; it had spilled out of her in one hot rush.
Shirley’s face shut down immediately. All emotion fled from it as if she had turned into a mannequin; even the two red spots on her cheeks looked painted on. She took a quick, sharp breath. “If that’s what you think, we have nothing left to say to each other. I don’t think you should come with me to the Miss Chinatown judging anymore. I can’t have someone like you there. You should know that your parents are going to find out. Everyone’s going to find out because Wallace Lai’s a gossip, and if you won’t even bother to deny it, I can’t help you. I tried. I told you last fall—don’t you remember?—I told you about Kathleen Miller. I warned you, but you didn’t listen. I’ve been trying to watch out for you.” Shirley’s voice betrayed her with the slightest hitch. There was a sudden brightness in her eyes that she blinked away. “Obviously you didn’t appreciate it,” Shirley said, and started for the door.
Once, Lily had admired the way Shirley sailed through the world with such confidence, as if she wore an impenetrable armor that protected her against all slights, real or imagined. Lily had envied Shirley that armor, but now she saw that it was an illusion, and those who possessed the right knowledge could pierce it at will. Lily knew Shirley better than anyone; she could wound her thoughtlessly, and she had.