“Lily, over here!”
Shirley was down near the front of the auditorium, in the third row near the middle. As Lily made her way down the aisle, she finally saw Kath. She knew Kath saw her too, because their eyes slipped past each other almost furtively. Lily wanted to go over to Kath right now, but she couldn’t. She had to edge through Shirley’s row, bumping against knees while apologizing, to the seat that Shirley had saved beside her. Their friends were all here too; there was Flora sitting smugly on Shirley’s left, with Hanson beside her, and Mary looking unusually sour-faced.
As Lily sat down, Shirley said to her, “We’re going to my house after school, not Flora’s. You’re coming, right?”
“Of course,” Lily said, but she was still thinking about Kath. She had to find her after school; otherwise she wouldn’t see her until after Christmas break.
The assembly began with the choir singing Christmas carols before the sophomore class’s Nativity scene. Lily twitched in her seat, worrying about whether she had somehow made Kath angry by reconciling with Shirley. It was clear that Shirley didn’t like Kath, and the feeling was probably mutual. Or maybe Lily had done something wrong the last time they’d gone to the Telegraph Club. She remembered sitting silently at the table and listening to Jean and that woman Rhonda saying all those things she hadn’t understood about dykes and paying the cops. Maybe Kath was embarrassed to be seen with someone as na?ve as Lily. The thought made her shrivel up inside, certain that she had ruined their friendship.
After the Nativity scene ended, the dance club trotted onstage in their pink ballet slippers to the music from The Nutcracker. The girls in their pink tutus twirled with varying skill, kicking up their legs exuberantly as they spun. Each time they kicked, their tutus flew up, exposing their black leotards beneath in brief dark flashes. Lily had seen the dance club’s Nutcracker routine every Christmas throughout high school, but this year she was newly aware of what she was watching. The girls’ legs and the shadows between them; the curves of their thighs and calves; the cleavage made visible by their low-cut leotards. The dancers must have always looked like this, but Lily felt as if this was the first time she truly saw them: the weight of their bodies; their aliveness and the warmth of their pink skin. A couple of boys in the row ahead of Lily whistled and hooted, and when a teacher came down the aisle to shush them, Lily dropped her gaze to her knees as if she had been admonished herself. There was a difference between those boys’ whistles and what she had been thinking, but she wasn’t sure why or how. She only knew she felt caught, and her face flushed. She was glad the auditorium was dark.
Her mind flitted back to the club, remembering Kath’s pleased expression after Rhonda had called her a baby butch. Lily had understood that at a gut level; she had seen it not only in Kath’s hint of a smile but in the way she held her body. Almost like Tommy.
* * *
—
“I’ll meet you at your locker in a few minutes,” Lily told Shirley as they left the assembly.
“We have to go soon,” Shirley said. “What do you have to do?”
“I have to go get something,” Lily said vaguely, and slipped away before Shirley could further question her. She had seen Kath heading down the hall toward her locker and she wanted to catch her before she left, but the crowd seemed to be purposely getting in her way. Every time she dodged one person, another seemed to pop up in front of her, and by the time she reached the locker, Kath was nowhere to be found. Frustrated, Lily spun around, searching for her, and at last she spotted Kath going toward the main doors. She rushed after her and finally caught up, reaching for Kath’s shoulder.
“Kath!”
She turned in surprise.
“I have to talk to you.” Lily’s hand slid down Kath’s arm. She took Kath’s hand and pulled her toward the edge of the hall as she sought out a quiet place. It was a zoo, with everyone rushing to pack up and leave. Lily saw the half-open door to the supply room just past the main office, and she tugged Kath after her, not stopping until they were inside with the door closed, the sound of the students’ exodus abruptly muffled.
The room was little more than a closet, longer than it was wide, and barely wider than the door itself. The walls were lined with shelves; the shelves were stacked with reams of paper and manila folders and boxes of pens and pencils. Overhead a flat fluorescent light panel reminded Lily of the back corner of Thrifty Drugs—she hadn’t been there since the last time she went with Kath—and she realized she was still holding Kath’s hand. She let go. Her palm was sweaty.