“Holy shit,” Dean laughs, and I feel his eyes on me as he says, “Are you in love with her?”
“Why would you say that?” I pierce him with a severe look and instantly realize that I’m not denying his question, only asking him why he’s asking it—which is probably very telling.
His eyes are wide and probing as he answers, “Because you don’t date. Ever. And for you to take a chance on the person who’s your kid’s nanny means you must think she’s worth taking a risk for.” He pauses for a moment and then adds, “This is the first girl you’ve talked about seriously since I’ve known you. I have to assume she’s important.”
“She is,” I reply honestly and run my finger around the rim of my glass. “She’s like a magnet I can’t stay away from. As different as we are, I find myself craving her freestyle nature like a drug to soothe my own stress. The problem is, the timing is awful. When I close this deal with All-Out Properties, my entire life is going to change. I’ll kill myself to find quality time with Everly. Plus, Cassandra has a major past trauma with her old corporate job which means none of this meshes well together. Am I better off ending it now to save us both the pain of ending it later when I get too busy?”
Flashbacks of everything she shared with me over dinner earlier this week hit me at full force again. So much of what she said sounded eerily familiar. When I launched my company, the people who I employed worked long hours right alongside me. We were burning the candle at both ends because there was an adrenaline rush that came every time we surpassed our goals and hit the next level.
Did I pay enough attention to their health and welfare? I’m not so sure. I’m pretty sure I do a good job now. But I’m essentially starting that painful growth process all over again with this merger, and what happened to Cassandra has lit a new fear inside me for my staff members.
Two months ago, I was charged and ready for the frenzy of incorporating their business into mine. Now…I’m having second thoughts.
Dean hits me with a disbelieving look. “I thought you were a guy who likes a challenge.”
I scowl at my friend. “I think my first relationship in close to a decade constitutes as a bit more than a challenge, don’t you? This is a fucking mountain to climb.”
Dean shrugs dismissively like we’re talking about the weather, not my entire life. “Max, you’re a single dad, a well-respected boss, friend, brother, son. Hell, you even do charity work beyond what the rest of us do. Why do you think this is one thing you could fail at?”
“Because I might not be enough for her.” Those words feel heavy in my mouth as the reality of my deepest fears come to light again. The insecurity I have in the idea that even if I go all in with her, she still might want someone else. It’s happened before. I inhale deeply and add, “She’s been through a lot, and she might want someone with less burdens.”
He sets his glass down and shakes his head. “A good partner in life can help lift those burdens.”
His words cause a frisson of anxiety to shoot through my chest. Is this really what I’m ready for? A partner? Someone to share my life with? Just the thought of committing to someone again like I did with Jess feels like a foreign concept. I was so young when I last did it. I’ve lived a thousand lives since then. And who’s to say Cassandra wants this life with me? Who’s to say I’m even in love with her yet? I’m not even sure.
My voice is grave when I admit the fears that still live deep inside me. “What if I’m a shitty partner? I failed once, you know.”
“You didn’t fail.” Dean eyes me thoughtfully. “You succeeded in allowing Jessica to be comfortable enough to be honest with you about her true self. That’s not a failure, Max. Her happiness now is a success story. And you deserve to find your own happiness. You’ve fucking earned it, my friend.”
Our attention is ripped away from each other when the sound of the door that leads into the garage opens. Cassandra’s eyes are wide, and she spots Dean and me.
“Sorry, I thought you guys were outside,” she says, looking guilty. “I was just coming in to refill my water.”
“No need to be sorry,” Dean responds with a friendly smile. “I was just heading out to go save my fiancée from her mother. Weddings, amiright?”
“I wouldn’t know,” Cassandra laughs politely and walks into the kitchen as Dean heads out the back door, looking really fucking obvious. She stands at the refrigerator and refills her water. “Didn’t mean to chase him out.”