* * *
—
“Here they come,” said a geologist from the seventh floor. “Batman and Robin.”
“I heard they’re shacking up together—did you know that?” asked his lab mate.
“Everyone knows that.”
“I didn’t know that,” a third named Eddie said grimly.
The three geologists watched as Elizabeth and Calvin chose an empty table in the middle of the cafeteria, the clash of trays and silverware rat-a-tat-tat-ing around them like gunfire. As the stink of cafeteria stroganoff threatened to asphyxiate the rest of the room, Calvin and Elizabeth placed a set of open Tupperware containers on the table. Chicken parmesan. Au gratin potatoes. Some sort of salad.
“Oh, I see,” said one of the geologists. “So the food here isn’t good enough for them.”
“My cat eats better than this,” the other geologist said, shoving his tray away.
“Hi, fellas!” chirped Miss Frask, a too-cheerful, wide-bottomed secretary from Personnel. Frask set down her tray, then cleared her throat as she waited for Eddie, a geology lab tech, to pull out her chair. Frask had been dating Eddie for three months, and while she would have liked to report it was all going very well, it wasn’t. Eddie was immature with boorish tendencies. He chewed with his mouth open, guffawed at jokes that weren’t funny, said things like “va-va-va-voom.” Still, Eddie had one important thing going for him: he was single. “Well, thank you, Eddie,” she said as he leaned over and yanked her chair out for her. “So sweet!”
“Proceed at your own risk,” one of the geologists warned, tipping his head in Calvin and Elizabeth’s general direction.
“Why?” she said. “What are we looking at?” She spun in her chair to follow their gaze. “Jeez Louise,” she said, spying the happy couple. “Again?”
The four of them watched in silence as Elizabeth pulled out a notebook and passed it to Calvin. Calvin studied the page, then made some comment. Elizabeth shook her head, then pointed at something specific. Calvin nodded and, cocking his head to the side, slowly started to chew his lips.
“He is so unattractive,” Frask said in disgust. But because she was in Personnel and Personnel never comments on an employee’s physical appearance, she added, “And by that I only mean that blue is not his color.”
One of the geologists took a bite of stroganoff, then set down his fork in resignation. “Hear the latest? Evans was nominated for the Nobel again.”
The whole table issued a collective sigh.
“Well, that’s meaningless,” one of the geologists said. “Anyone can be nominated.”
“Oh really? Have you ever been nominated?”
They continued to watch, transfixed, as a few minutes later Elizabeth reached down and pulled out a package wrapped in wax paper.
“What do you think that is?” one of the geologists asked.
“Baked goods,” Eddie said, his voice filled with awe. “She bakes, too.”
They watched as she offered Calvin brownies.
“Oh good god,” Frask said, exasperated. “What do you mean, ‘too’？ Anyone can bake.”
“I don’t understand her,” one of the geologists said. “She’s got Evans. Why’s she still here?” He paused as if weighing all possibilities. “Unless,” he said, “Evans doesn’t want to marry her.”
“Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” the other geologist suggested.
“I grew up on a farm,” Eddie contributed. “Cows are a lot of work.”
Frask glanced at him sideways. It irritated her that he continued to crane his neck toward Zott like a plant to sunlight.
“I’m a specialist in human behavior,” she said. “At one point I was pursuing a PhD in psychology.” She looked at her lunch mates, hoping they’d ask her about her academic aspirations, but no one seemed even slightly interested. “Anyway, that’s why I can say with confidence: it’s she who’s using him.”
* * *
—
From across the room, Elizabeth straightened her papers, then rose. “Sorry to cut this short, Calvin, but I have a meeting.”
“A meeting?” Calvin said, as if she’d just announced she was attending an execution. “If you worked in my lab, you’d never have to go to meetings.”
“But I don’t work in your lab.”
“But you could.”
She sighed, busying herself with the Tupperware. Of course, she’d love to work in his lab, but it wasn’t possible. She was an entry-level chemist. She had to make her own way. Try to understand, she’d told him more than once.