“Work,” she told him. But that was a lie. The real reason was because she’d quietly hoped the pregnancy would take care of itself. End as these things sometimes do. In the 1950s, abortion was out of the question. Coincidentally, so was having a baby out of wedlock.
“You’re also a scientist, is that right?” he asked from the other end of her body.
“Yes.”
“And Hastings kept you on. They must be more progressive than I thought.”
“They didn’t,” she said. “I’m freelancing.”
“A freelance scientist. I’ve never heard of such a thing. How does that work?”
She sighed. “Not very well.”
Registering the tone in her voice, he finished up quickly, tapping her belly here and there as if she were a cantaloupe.
“Everything looks shipshape,” he said as he stripped off his gloves. And when she didn’t smile or say anything in return, he said in a low voice, “For the baby at least. I’m sure this has been enormously difficult for you.”
It was the first time someone had acknowledged her situation, and the shock of it caught in her throat. She felt a cache of tears threatening escape just behind her eyes.
“I’m sorry,” he said gently, studying her face the way a meteorologist might watch a storm develop. “Please know you can talk to me. Rower to rower. It’s all confidential.”
She looked away. She didn’t really know him. Worse, she wasn’t sure, despite his assurances, that her feelings were allowable. She’d come to believe she was the only woman on earth who’d planned to remain childless. “If I’m being perfectly honest,” she finally said, her voice heavy with guilt, “I don’t think I can do this. I was not planning on being a mother.”
“Not every woman wants to be a mother,” he agreed, surprising her. “More to the point, not every woman should be.” He grimaced as if thinking of someone in particular. “Still, I’m surprised by how many women sign up for motherhood considering how difficult pregnancy can be—morning sickness, stretch marks, death. Again, you’re fine,” he added quickly, taking in her horrified face. “It’s just that we tend to treat pregnancy as the most common condition in the world—as ordinary as stubbing a toe—when the truth is, it’s like getting hit by a truck. Although obviously a truck causes less damage.” He cleared his throat, then made a note in her file. “What I mean to say is, the exercise is helping. Although I’m not sure how you erg properly at this stage. Pulling into the sternum would be problematic. What about The Jack LaLanne Show? Ever watch him?”
At the mention of Jack LaLanne’s name, Elizabeth’s face fell.
“Not a fan,” he said. “No problem. Just the erg, then.”
“I only kept on with it,” she offered in a low voice, “because it exhausts me to the point where I can sometimes sleep. But also because I thought it might, well—”
“I understand,” he said, cutting her off and looking both ways as if making sure no one else could hear. “Look, I’m not one of those people who believe a woman should have to—” He stopped abruptly. “Nor do I believe that—” He stopped again. “A single woman…a widow…it’s…Never mind,” he said as he reached for her file. “But the truth is, that erg probably made you stronger; made the baby stronger for that matter. More blood to the brain, better circulation. Have you noticed it has a calming effect on the baby? Probably all that back and forth.”
She shrugged.
“How far are you erging?”
“Ten thousand meters.”
“Every day?”
“Sometimes more.”
“Mother of god,” he whistled. “I’ve always thought pregnant women developed an extra capacity for suffering, but ten thousand meters? Sometimes more? That’s—that’s—actually, I don’t know what that is.” He looked at her with concern. “Do you have someone to lean on? A friend or relative—your mother—someone like that? Infants are hard work.”
She hesitated. It was embarrassing to admit that she had no one. She’d only gone to see Dr. Mason because Calvin had always insisted rowers enjoyed some sort of special bond.
“Anyone?” he repeated.
“I have a dog.”
“I like it,” Mason said. “A dog can be tremendously helpful. Protective, empathetic, intelligent. What kind of dog—he, she?”