Elizabeth gathered the coffee cups and took them to the sink. This sudden school enrollment idea wasn’t all that sudden. She’d been to the bank several weeks ago to take out a reverse mortgage on the bungalow. They were broke. If Calvin hadn’t stuck her name on the deed, a fact she’d only discovered after he died, they’d be on welfare.
The bank manager was grim in his assessment of her situation. “Things will only get worse,” he warned. “As soon as your child is old enough, get her in school. Then find a job that actually pays. Or marry rich.”
She got back in her car and reviewed her options.
Rob a bank.
Rob a jewelry store.
Or here was a loathsome idea—go back to the place that had robbed her.
* * *
—
Twenty-five minutes later she walked into the Hastings lobby, hands shaking, skin clammy, the body’s warning system sounding all alarms. She inhaled, trying to draw in strength. “Dr. Donatti, please,” she said to the receptionist.
* * *
—
“Will I like school?” Mad asked, appearing out of nowhere.
“Absolutely,” Elizabeth said unconvincingly. “What’s that there?” She pointed to a large sheet of black construction paper Madeline was clutching in her right hand.
“My picture,” she said, placing it on the table in front of her mother as she leaned up against her. It was another chalk drawing—Madeline preferred chalk over crayons—but because chalk smudged so easily, her drawings often looked blurry, as if her subjects were trying to get off the page. Elizabeth looked down to see a few stick figures, a dog, a lawn mower, a sun, a moon, possibly a car, flowers, a long box. Fire appeared to be destroying the south; rain dominated the north. And there was one other thing: a big swirly white mass right in the middle.
“Well,” Elizabeth said, “this is really something. I can tell you’ve put a lot of work into this.”
Mad puffed her cheeks as if her mother didn’t know the half of it.
Elizabeth studied the drawing again. She’d been reading Madeline a book about how the Egyptians used the surfaces of sarcophagi to tell the tale of a life lived—its ups, its downs, its ins, its outs—all of it laid out in precise symbology. But as she read, she’d found herself wondering—did the artist ever get distracted? Ink an asp instead of a goat? And if so, did he have to let it stand? Probably. On the other hand, wasn’t that the very definition of life? Constant adaptations brought about by a series of never-ending mistakes? Yes, and she should know.
* * *
—
Dr. Donatti had appeared in the lobby ten minutes later. Oddly, he seemed almost relieved to see her. “Miss Zott!” he’d said, giving her a hug as she held her breath, revulsed. “I was just thinking about you!”
Actually, he’d been thinking of nothing but Zott.
* * *
—
“Tell me about these people,” she said to Mad, pointing at the stick figures.
“That’s you and me and Harriet,” Mad said. “And Six-Thirty. And that’s you rowing,” she said, pointing to the boxlike thing, “and that’s our lawn mower. And this is fire over here. And these are some more people. That’s our car. And the sun comes out, then the moon comes out, and then flowers. Get it?”
“I think so,” Elizabeth said. “It’s a seasonal story.”
“No,” Mad said. “It’s my life story.”
Elizabeth nodded in pretend understanding. A lawn mower?
“And what’s this part?” Elizabeth asked, pointing at the swirl that dominated the picture.
“That’s the pit of death,” Mad said.
Elizabeth eyes widened in worry. “And this?” She pointed at a series of slanty lines. “Rain?”
“Tears,” Mad said.
Elizabeth knelt down, her eyes level with Mad’s. “Are you sad, honey?”
Mad placed her small, chalky hands on either side of her mother’s face. “No. But you are.”
* * *
—
After Mad went outside to play, Harriet said something about “out of the mouths of babes,” but Elizabeth pretended not to hear. She was already aware that her daughter could read her like a book. She’d noted this before—how Mad could sense exactly those things everyone wanted to hide. “Harriet has never been in love,” she’d said out of the blue during dinner last week. “Six-Thirty still feels responsible,” she’d sighed at breakfast. “Dr. Mason is sick of vaginas,” she’d mentioned at bedtime.