And then she looked at the tray.
“I thought you’d like a half of an Alaska Donut. We can save the rest for next time.”
“T-thank you, Edwin,” Lan managed to say.
Lan recalled the first day she had met Shizuka. The most beautiful creature she had ever seen, so desperate for the bathroom.
She had ordered an Alaska Donut, just like this.
No … not exactly like this. That donut had been replicated and a few hours old.
Well, this fresh one would have to do.
Lan looked at the empty chair, then out across the city.
What was Shizuka up to now?
Music, of course.
Music.
It was then that Lan realized that for all her opinions and thoughts on music in general, she had never heard Shizuka Satomi truly play.
Weeks ago, Shirley had found recordings of Shizuka’s performances in the ship’s database. Why hadn’t Lan listened? With everything she had told Shizuka, of traveling across the galaxy, of the Endplague, of Shirley …
Lan finished her half donut and went to her room. She lay down and opened the data files Shirley had linked.
“I don’t care, I’d fuck her.”
“Faggot. If it came around me I’d fucking crack its skull.”
Shirley was deleting more comments from the Internet. At times like this, there were advantages to being cybernetic. Some of the most offensive people found their accounts mysteriously deleted, merged with their business accounts, or transferred to America Online.
“No. Just no.”
“Someone put it out of its misery.”
These people reminded Shirley of everything they were leaving back home. But what baffled her was that their rage had nothing to do with the universe collapsing. They were saying this simply because a girl playing the violin was transgender. So stupid. So insignificant.
Shirley deleted another account.
So … fixable.
That night after practice, Katrina took the projector from her studio to her bedroom. She and Shirley would often talk and gossip and share before Astrid reminded Katrina to go to bed. Katrina had never shared a bedroom with a sister before—these late night talks were something she looked forward to all day.
Tonight, though, Shirley seemed unusually excited.
“I’m sorry I did not think of this earlier!”
“Think of what?”
“How to make you a girl.”
“What?”
“The process that gave my family these human forms. We could perform that process on you. We could reduce your height, change your voice. It would not be a projection. It would be real. And you would still be you, just altered.”
Katrina felt her blood whoosh in her skull. “Just like that?”
“Just like that.”
Katrina steadied herself. It wasn’t what Shirley had said—it was the suddenness of the offer. In fact, Katrina had thought of it from the moment she realized Shirley’s family had altered their forms.
“Wouldn’t you be breaking some sort of non-interference oath?” Katrina managed to ask.
Shirley nodded. “I suppose, but … had my mother obeyed such rules … I would not be here,” she said.
Katrina took a deep breath. Then she looked at her hands.
“Shirley, thank you. Thank you so much. But if I change my body now, I would need to relearn the violin.”
“But—”
“It’s more than my hands. It’s my body. Everything it’s been through, everything it’s felt. It’s all become part of the way I play. Sure, it’s not perfect, but it’s mine. That’s good, isn’t it?
“Besides, I’m already a girl.”
Shirley nodded. Of course. What could she have been thinking? To even suggest something like that to Katrina—Shirley of all people should have known that what matters is not the body, but who inhabits it.
“But, Shirley, could you do me a favor?” Katrina asked.
“Yes?”
“Ask me again next year. Before summer,” Katrina said. “When the new swimsuits go on sale at the mall.”
33
Lan arrived at Shizuka’s house. Shizuka had her coat on and was waiting outside.
“I’m sorry to bother you so suddenly,” Lan said as they drove down the hill.
“It’s fine. Katrina is working with Astrid. But you wanted to talk to me—about music?”
Lan nodded. “Sorry that it’s a little late to go to the park.”
“That’s okay. I know where we can find even nicer ducks.”
Lan followed Shizuka’s directions and parked her car. There, in the window, they were. Ducks.