And then, take your permit, take your loan, pay too much money to buy a big ship with everything you need to start a life.
Let people laugh at you leaving for some distant nothing place.
When they laugh, think how their laughter means you fooled them all.
And then as soon as you get everything, just go.
Get the children. Look around for anyone else. No one is coming, of course, but you look anyway. But then, there’s Aunty, holding three too many bags and staring as silent as a ghost.
Be happy your children are not crying. Be happy that your daughter is brilliant. Be happy that your son, even now, can navigate a warp jump.
Be happy that Aunty brought steamed buns for the trip.
Point the ship away. Let the past fade like a dream.
Present your permit. Watch the Central Stargate open, then close.
And keep smiling. Keep smiling to make it seem fun for the kids.
Of course they must know. But they cannot know.
They cannot know how much you will miss everything you are leaving behind.
Lan stopped. Her eyes were focused somewhere far away.
“Lan?” Shizuka gently called her back.
“Shizuka?”
Shizuka let Lan breathe, then gave Lan her napkin. Lan nodded and dabbed her eyes.
“But now I have a donut shop. And my family. And you.”
Before Shizuka could react to that statement, Lan reached for the butter. “And another bread stick! And Eggplant Parmigiana!”
“Eggplant Parmigiana!” cheered the server as she walked by.
* * *
Astrid greeted Shizuka at the door.
“I’m sorry, the meeting took longer than expected.”
“How’s Lan?”
“She really likes Eggplant Parmigiana. How was practice with Katrina?”
Astrid opened her laptop and showed Shizuka a video of their session.
“How did you get her to follow your tempo like that?”
“I told her to,” Astrid said matter-of-factly.
Shizuka watched Katrina with Astrid. Katrina was playing with a newfound precision. Despite herself, Shizuka could not help but feel a little envious.
“Where’s Katrina now?”
“She’s making another video.”
Shizuka listened. “Yes … it sounds as if she’s dancing, too. I wonder if she’s trying to be like Lindsey Stirling?”
“Lindsey Stirling?”
Shizuka gestured for Astrid’s laptop.
Astrid peered at the screen.
“Some sort of elf, fighting a very large dinosaur?”
“Dragon, Astrid. Dragon.”
“She’s beautiful, isn’t she? And quite flexible. Oh … goodness … do you think you could have done that while you were playing?”
“Not even in my twenties. And not even if I had sold my soul.”
That night, Shizuka knocked on Katrina’s door.
“You need a gown. Tomorrow we’re going shopping.”
“Shopping?” Katrina hesitated. “I’m sorry … but maybe I can just find something online?”
“For a performance, you’ll need a proper gown that fits you well.”
“No. I mean—I don’t know if I can go there and—”
“Katrina.”
“Yes, Miss Satomi?”
“Stop. I am going to be with you at all times. It will be fine.”
“Y-yes, Miss Satomi.”
“Good night, Katrina. Dream of everything beautiful.”
“Good night.”
21
The next morning, Katrina rode with Shizuka to the Santa Anita Shopping Plaza. Katrina had been in shopping centers before, and in Asian areas before. But nothing had prepared her for this. The parking lots were full of shiny, beautiful cars owned by shiny, beautiful Asians. There was both a posh indoor shopping mall, as well as a posh outdoor shopping plaza. Well-dressed older people sat on stylish lounge furniture sipping Longjing tea from Wing Hop Fung, while the colorful play area fluttered with little Asian children in Fendi and Moschino.
Katrina wanted to apologize to all of them for being so plain and leave immediately. But Miss Satomi was with her, so she shuffled her feet forward and kept going.
Although Shizuka did not look back, she was listening to every footstep. It was important to be supportive, yet not supporting. As long as the girl kept walking, she moved with her, as well.
One step at a time. Her past students had started young. By the time they had crossed paths with Shizuka, each had endured years of recitals, performances, Christmas shows with Bach’s Prelude in C Major and The Nutcracker Suite.
But Katrina was new to this not-always-friendly world.