I cup my own breasts, demanding, “I’m still on birth control.”
“Then you better throw it out, because you’re pregnant.” Tristian says it with such utter conviction that it shoots through me like a cattle prod.
“Bullshit.” Dimitri drops down onto the bed, eyes looking me over. “She looks completely normal. You’re full of it.”
He says the words with certainty, but there’s something in his eye that makes me nervous. A detachment. More like he doesn’t want it to be true.
Killian is just standing there, all rigid as he stares at my stomach, and his face eerily expressionless. He looks like he’s doing long division in his head, trying to count the days. “What if he’s right?” he says, tearing his eyes from me to look at Dimitri.
“He’s not,” Dimitri says, but he leans forward, elbows propped on his knees, and makes a suggestion. “Let’s go get her some tests. Twenty bucks says we just need a new dryer.”
“Fine,” Tristian says, snapping straight. “I’ll go pull the car around.”
Thirty minutes later, I have the tests all laid out on the edge of the tub like some kind of science experiment. Tristian had bought one of every brand and type, and some of them are unnecessarily complicated, digital things that make me want to pitch them right into his face.
But armed with a cup of pee, I go through the motions of dipping every test. It’s not the first time I’ve had to take a pregnancy test. There was an incident a year ago between my implant coming out and going on a new pill that I thought I might have gotten knocked up. Turns out, I just had some light food poisoning.
This feels different, though, and as I wait for the tests to give my results, I try to ignore the sound of pacing feet on the other side of the bathroom door.
“What does it say?” Tristian asks, his anxious voice muffled through the wood.
Rolling my eyes, I shout, “It says to wait!”
It’s sooner than I wanted to have a baby. I’m still a year out from receiving my degree. We’re just now getting settled into our new home. The guys have only just entered into the professional world, no matter its illegal elements. Are we ready to have a child? Am I ready to be someone’s mother?
Beyond the nagging self-doubt is a seed of a thought. It’s the nursery next door, and that first day I stepped foot inside of it, imagining holding one of their babies. I wonder what they’d be like. A wily, curious, somber son, like Killian? A bright, golden-haired charmer like Tristian? Or a raven-haired, soulful, creative daughter, like Dimitri?
Mostly I think of a child that’s a part of them all. Killian’s seriousness, Tristian’s easy nature, and Dimitri’s gifted talents. That’s what I’d want to create, more than anything; a child that represents everything good and pure about them.
That’s what I’m thinking of when I step out of the bathroom, laying eyes on them. They’re all lined up on the side of the Alaskan bed, heads jolting up at the sound of the door opening. In their eyes, I see nervousness, fear, and an inkling of dread. But I also see hope, wonder, and the unmistakable presence of love.
I tap the pregnancy test against my palm. “They’re all positive.”
There’s a long stretch of stunned silence—even from Tristian, who was so confident before. “All of them?” he asks.
I nod, twisting to glance back at the neat little row of tests. “All twelve.”
“Holy shit,” Dimitri breathes, pushing his hair back from his forehead. “Holy fucking… oh, shit.”
“So you’re…” Killian gestures to my belly, face slack. “There’s a baby in there. Right now.”
“Yes.” I give them a moment to work through this, watching as it hits them in waves. Dimitri keeps shoving his hair back, and Killian keeps staring, and Tristian—
He jumps up and grabs me, spinning me around. “Fuck me, I’m going to be a dad!” He takes my face in his hands, and through the spark of excitement in his eyes is a reservation I’m surprised to see. “Is this okay? I know you wanted to wait until you got your degree, but—”
I grin, grabbing his wrists. “It’s okay. Honestly, I’m kind of relieved.”
“Relieved?” Killian asks, finally tearing his eyes away from my stomach.
“I’ve just been feeling so off,” I explain, knowing that my cheeks are glowing red. “Sometimes it’s like I was going crazy. But this makes sense.” I look over at Dimitri who looks shell-shocked. “Are you okay with this?”