The intermittent warmth moves up my body, from my hip to my breast, lingering there for a moment, soft and wet around my nipple, and then up to my collarbone. My neck. My ear.
Tristian’s whisper barely penetrates my comfortable fog. “If your brother could see you right now, he’d cream himself.” There’s a deep, low chuckle, but the mention of Killian hits me like a contact grenade.
It explodes in my chest, a longing so internal and fierce that my belly clenches with the need for it. For him. I need Killian’s hands on me. I need his mouth on my sleeping lips, coaxing them open for his tongue. God, how long has it been since I heard his hushed voice in my ear, telling me how hard I make him? When was the last time he pulled my knees apart and took me all for himself? Was it only mere months ago that he was on top of me as I slept, rocking so sweetly between my thighs?
I’ve known I missed it, but right now, it’s worse than ever, because Tristian is here instead, and I love him. I love Tristian. But he’s not Killian, and the enticing pitch of his whisper doesn’t fill the space. It just makes the absence more noticeable, as if he’s showing me that something is missing.
Mindlessly, I sigh. “Killian…”
There’s a quick intake of breath, and then Tristian’s gentle rumble. “You miss him, sweetheart?” There’s a rustle near my head, and then the tickle of something in my hair. “You miss Killer waking you up with his cock, don’t you?”
“Mmmm,” I hum, turning my head as if I could find his lips with mine. I don’t, and it doesn’t make sense.
It doesn’t make sense that Killian’s not here.
“Shhh,” Tristian says, and then the warmth is against my forehead. A kiss to soothe my frown. “You know you can have him whenever you want. Don’t worry.”
The voice drags me closer to the surface and I stretch my toes, fighting against the weight of sleep to follow it. When I blink my eyes open, I realize Tristian’s dragged the blanket down, revealing the naked expanse of our bodies. He’s propped up on an elbow as he gazes down at me, temple resting on his fist. His other hand is holding his phone. It isn’t until he lowers it that I realize he’s been recording me.
“Urgh,” I grumble, trying to cover myself up. “No videos.”
He gives me a rueful grin, catching my hand in his own, knitting our fingers together. “Sorry. I couldn’t think of anything to get Killer this year. He’s so hard to buy for.”
“You’re all hard to buy for.” I rub my eyes, still feeling the heaviness of exhaustion.
“Want me to delete it?” he asks, thumb sweeping against the back of my hand. “I will. You can watch me.”
I take a long second to think about it—about Killian seeing me like that, so needy and desperate for him. On one hand, it might be a horrible tease. On the other…
Well.
It might be a horrible tease.
I give a slight shake of my head.
“Ruthless.” Tristian smirks at me. “That’s my girl.” His expression darkens, even as his eyes take in my naked body. “He’s going to need something to get him through the next few months.”
“What?” I stretch, flexing my calves. “Why?”
“That choice I made last night? The one where I picked you?” He runs his finger over the scars in my chest, gently tracing the letters. “I wasn’t just picking you. I was choosing them. Us. This.” He makes a vague but expansive gesture. “Your big brother is going to have to do something similar, and that means leaving some things behind.”
“He’s going to leave Daniel?” As soon as I say it I know that’s wrong. “No. He’s going to quit football.” It settles in my gut with a hard certainty, and suddenly, I don’t know how I hadn’t seen this coming all along.
“Getting shot, the shit going on at the Hideaway, all the threats with you…” He sighs, head shaking. “Things are out of control. He can feel it. We all can, and it’s his job to step up. That’s what Killer does, you know.” Tristian raises his eyes to mine, searching. “When things get hard, he makes the calls no one else has the guts to.”
“So he’s giving up his dreams.” A wave of sadness crests over me. Dimitri’s already lost his dreams because of me. Now Killian? I meant it last night when I vowed to stay, but I’m not some starry-eyed little girl anymore. I know what I am to the people closest to me. An albatross.