Wendy walked past her father to where her mother sat on the couch. Steeling herself, Wendy tried to work up the courage to speak. Her hands opened and closed into fists at her sides. Her palms were slick with sweat. Her parents deserved some sort of explanation, something to make up for or ease the pain, but she didn’t know what to say.
Her mother stared up at her, confusion and worry denting her brow.
With determination, Wendy sucked in a deep breath, but it rattled in her lungs and tightened her chest. She felt her eyes prickle, felt the burn in her throat. “I—” Her face crumpled. An uncontrollable sob choked her.
“I’m so sorry,” Wendy blurted. Fracturing sobs overcame her. “It’s all my f-fault, I’m sorry—I’m so sorry!” The words repeated over and over until they slurred together into nothing. Her body trembled and her chest bucked with cries as she wrapped her arms tightly around her middle.
The sheer shock on her mother’s face softened.
Mrs. Darling’s gentle hands pulled Wendy to her. Her knees sank into the couch and Mrs. Darling gathered her close. Wendy’s body went rigid at first. She didn’t know the last time her mother had touched her like this, couldn’t even remember how it felt. But Mrs. Darling tucked the top of Wendy’s head under her chin and wrapped her arms around her. Her hand rubbed her back in long, slow strokes. She hummed softly into Wendy’s ear and everything in Wendy released.
She collapsed against her mom, clutching Mrs. Darling as she cried into her shoulder. Spit and tears soaked into the green scrubs.
“I’m so sorry,” Wendy choked out. “It’s my fault— I was supposed to be watching them— I was there—” Grief squeezed her like a vice. “I saw it happen— I couldn’t remember— I couldn’t— It’s because of me we aren’t a family anymore—”
“Shh, my darling,” her mom said quietly into her ear. Her voice was somber and edged with pain, but tender nonetheless. She held Wendy close, continuing to rub her back as she stroked her hair with the other hand. “This is not your fault. None of this is your fault.”
Relief and sorrow crashed through Wendy. She curled up against her mom. She had put so much energy and care into not letting herself cry for fear of never stopping. But now, the anguished cries shuddered through her body, and she let them.
“I’m so sorry, Wendy…”
Wendy wanted to argue, to say that her mom had no reason to be sorry, she was the one to blame for John’s and Michael’s deaths.
“We were trying to protect you, but we let you down,” Mrs. Darling said. Wendy could only shake her head. She felt the sigh lift her mom’s chest. “We let our own mourning distract us from taking care of you. You are so brave, Wendy Darling.” Her mom gave her a small squeeze.
Mrs. Darling leaned back. Wendy felt her hands, cool against her flushed skin, cup her cheeks. Wendy hiccupped as she blinked through tears. She felt the weight on the couch shift. Her dad lowered himself next to them. One of his heavy hands settled on her back.
“You’ve been haunted by this for so long,” her mom told her, thumbs sweeping away her tears. Mrs. Darling’s smile was small but hopeful. “I want you to live, Wendy, not just endure.”
It was more than Wendy could take, so she let herself give in to it. She huddled against her mom, who continued to rub her back. Her dad’s steady hand didn’t leave.
“You found them, Wendy,” her mom murmured against the top of her head. “They’re safe.”
They stayed there for a long while, Wendy pressed between her mom and dad, letting them hold her close. She felt like she was teetering on the edge of a black pit that threatened to swallow her whole, but every time she felt as though she was about to fall in headfirst, she closed her eyes and remembered John and Michael.
Wendy appreciated her parents’ comfort, but after a while, it started to feel suffocating. She was overheated and thirsty. Her lips tasted like salt. She needed some space, some fresh air, and some sleep.
She gently untangled herself from her parents’ arms and got up off the couch. “I’m going to go to sleep,” she said through sniffles, wiping at her runny nose. “In my old room.”
Her mom and dad exchanged looks.
“I’m okay,” Wendy told them, and this time it wasn’t a lie. She inhaled a deep breath and managed a small smile. “Really.”
Her dad finally nodded and her mom gave her hand a small squeeze before Wendy went upstairs.