Leli. My sixteenth ain’t gonna be sweet without you. Please come.
I was here, at his house, of my own volition. Why? Was it the same reason I took both debate club and Model UN? Masochism? It didn’t matter now, because he was smiling at me and, like a fool, I found myself smiling back as I sweated through my shirt and jeans. A damp dummy.
‘Um, Letsha, I’m gonna get myself a drink. I need to cool off. You want anything?’
Letsha raised a brow as she clocked where I was looking. ‘No, I’m good. You go get yours, sis.’
Her wink was unnecessary.
I wasn’t long at the punch table when I felt a presence beside me and I smelt his scent. I looked up to see him pouring himself a drink, despite the fact that I was pretty sure he’d had a full cup five minutes earlier.
He turned to me, shot a tentative smile. ‘I’m really glad you came. I wasn’t sure you were going to.’
I shrugged. ‘Letsha’s idea.’
Had he gotten taller? Why did he smell so good? Was the heat interacting with his natural musk? Had I really just thought the words ‘natural musk’？ Clearly the heatstroke was reaching fatal levels.
He nodded. ‘Of course,’ he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. ‘Uh. I saw online that you got a scholarship for Government and Politics. Don’t forget me when you’re Prime Minister.’
‘I won’t. Gonna push for a law that says, if you throw a pool party, you have to get in the pool. So, you’re retroactively going to jail.’
Khosi laughed. ‘I want to. It’s just that nobody wants to get in with me.’ He paused, and cleared his throat. ‘Look, Naleli—’
I shook my head and laughed awkwardly. ‘Nope. You really don’t have to—’
He twitched his head to the side of the garden table and we moved a little away from the people who had suddenly also found themselves thirsty, pouring their punch slowly while we talked.
Khosi levelled his gaze at me, ensuring that I was looking him in the eye. ‘Yes, I really have to. I haven’t stopped thinking about it for two years. You were right: I was selfish. I didn’t want to see the truth because it would have . . . disrupted things for me too much. I didn’t want to accept that all my friends are dickheads. I regretted it, like . . . immediately, but after a while I was just too ashamed to try to talk to you. And when I said that what you look like doesn’t matter to me—’
My stomach dropped at the memory. ‘We don’t have to rehash—’
‘What I meant to say is that you’re beautiful. Inside and out. You’ve always been beautiful to me. You don’t need me to tell you that, but I just want you to know it. I’ve always looked up to you. You’re so sure of yourself. You know who you are. And I’m sorry I was too weak to chase after you. And I’m sorry that I’m too late.’
I took a sip of my rum and coke, barely cooled by the melting ice I’d stuck in it. I thought maybe it would control the emotions tumbling about inside of me. No such luck. I looked out to the empty pool and then up at the sloping mountains, hoping it would calm my frantic heartbeat. Again, my attempts at repressing my feelings proved futile. I looked up at him, finally. His eyes were glinting, face open, jaw tight. I took a deep breath.
‘Um, for what it’s worth, I never thought you were a shallow dick. I’ve always thought you were a deep dick.’
Khosi threw his head back and guffawed in the way I hadn’t realised I’d missed. ‘Thank you. That’s worth a lot.’
I cleared my throat. ‘ . . . and, um, for the record I was trying to push you away. I was scared that eventually you would push me away. Thought it would hurt less if I beat you to it. I was wrong.’
‘I would never push you away, Naleli.’ His voice was quiet and raw and held my breath to ransom.
Our eyes stayed fastened on each other as a sweet silence fell between us, accented with muted hip-hop and laughter and—
‘There you are, babe.’ Keeya.
Keeya made like she was about to put her arm through Khosi’s, but he pushed his hand swiftly into the pocket of his shorts, holding his arm tight to his side. Keeya’s lips parted and she started blinking rapidly, as if not quite realising what had just happened. It was a decisive move, the statement clear. They were not together – for real. Clearly unused to the lack of control, she turned her gaze to me, eyes narrowed in the same lethal way they had been two years ago, clearly hoping to garner power back by usurping me.