‘I was angry.’ Zhinu twisted her tumbler around on the coaster before looking up at Niulang. He was a stranger. She had nothing to lose. ‘That thing you walked in on? Was me being angry.’
Niulang nodded. ‘What were you angry about?’
‘That’s the thing. I don’t even know. Everything? Nothing. I didn’t even know I was angry until then. I’m not usually angry.’
Niulang took a sip from his drink. ‘So, what did you think of it? Would you try it again?’
Zhinu laughed and nodded. ‘You know, I think I would. It felt amazing just to be able to feel it. I haven’t had space to feel in a while.’ She paused. ‘I’m sorry for doing that to your vending machine.’
Niulang shrugged. ‘It’s okay. No damage done. You’ve actually opened my eyes to a new use for it. Snacks and outrage. I should try it sometime.’
‘Yeah? What do you have to be angry about?’
Niulang laughed, and it was deep and round, nutritious and delicious, and it filled Zhinu’s stomach till she felt she had no need for the tempura seaweed.
He rubbed the back of his head. ‘Uh. Let’s see. The fact that my dear father died on me two years ago and left me this place while I was in the middle of my degree? The fact that, because I’m the eldest child, it became my responsibility and I had to drop out to run it so my little sister could go to university? The fact that it saps at my social life so my only friend is a cow that gets constipated far too often for my liking?’
Zhinu snorted and slapped her hand across her mouth. ‘I’m sorry, I wasn’t laughing at . . .’
Niulang shook his head. ‘Don’t be. She’s a great kisser, so I forgive her.’
Zhinu giggled and took another sip of her drink, and soon her thoughts melted her smile away.
‘I’m sorry about your dad. Mine died when I was twelve years old. He was a classical musician and could play nearly every instrument. He could sing too. He taught me everything I know. As pathetic as it sounds, he was my best friend. My mother used to joke that she was jealous, but I think she loved it. She didn’t know how to be close to me, so she let him do it. But then he went and . . .’ Zhinu shrugged and pushed back her tears. ‘Then he went.’
Niulang nodded. He didn’t say anything for a while. He allowed the seconds to stretch before her. Eventually he said, ‘So as well as being an incredibly successful medicated dandruff commercial star, you’re also a singer?’
It was exactly what she needed. He pulled another smile out of Zhinu. ‘Yes.’
‘Oh no. You’re famous, aren’t you?’
Zhinu laughed. ‘In parts. Not enough, according to my mother.’
Niulang groaned. ‘Of course you’re a star. I mean, look at you. I thought you were coming from a wedding or something. My little sister is always making fun of me for not being current. I’m sorry for not knowing.’
Zhinu tried to tame the butterflies that rioted in her stomach when he’d said ‘look at you’。 Zhinu liked the idea of being looked at by Niulang, more than any audience she’d performed for.
‘Oh God. Please don’t be sorry. I’m grateful! It feels good for someone to be interested in me for me rather than . . .wait, I didn’t mean to say interested, I meant . . .’
‘But I am interested.’
The room around them contracted, darkened, till all she saw was him.
He smiled. ‘So what kind of songs do you sing? I should look you up . . .’
‘Please don’t.’ Zhinu thought about her last music video. It involved her dressed up as a mermaid and seducing men at sea. Her shell bra was made from rhinestones, her face so covered in make-up she hardly recognised herself. The song was called ‘Lost at Sea’。 It was written by men who wanted to have sex with her, and it was about men having sex with her. ‘I don’t sing the kind of stuff I want to sing.’
‘Which is?’
‘My own songs. Apparently, they’re not the right sound for my look. How are my songs not right for my look? And it’s all decided by these gross old men, or beasts, actually, who are paid to make me marketable. And I have to be nice to them because at least it brings me closer to the point where I might be able to sing my own songs. It’s like I have to kiss a troll for a key to the castle. You know, I’ve never even played one of my songs in front of an audience before?’
‘Well, that’s unacceptable.’ He straightened up, slapped the bar and went to the storage room. Zhinu strained her torso over the bar, trying to see what he was doing. ‘Niulang?’