“Okay. What would you have me do with her?”
I’m going to screech. Whatever Levi says, it’s going to make me yell with rage. I’m already vibrating with an un-screamed howl. It’s rising up my throat.
“I want you to let her do her job.”
Up and up and up my larynx, through my vocal box, and—wait. What? What did Levi say?
“I’ve done as much as I can.” Boris is faintly apologetic. Levi, on the other hand, is hard and uncompromising.
“It’s not enough. I need her to have authorized access to every BLINK-related area in the building, to have a NASA.gov email address, to attend project meetings. I need every single piece of equipment she asked for to be here now—it should have arrived ages ago.”
“You’re the one who canceled the order that was placed.”
“Because it wasn’t the system she asked for. Why would I blow a chunk of our budget on an inferior product?”
“Levi, just like I told you every single day you’ve come to me with this last week, sometimes it’s not about science—it’s about politics.”
I am fully leaning my ear and palms against the door now. My fingers shake against the wood, but I don’t feel them. I’m numb.
“Politics is above my pay grade, Boris.”
“Not above mine. We’ve been over this—things have changed a lot, and very quickly. The director was on board with an NIH-NASA collaboration as long as NASA got credit and autonomy on the project. Then NIH insisted on having a larger role. NASA can’t have it.”
“NASA must have it.”
“The director is under lots of pressure. The possible ramifications are huge—if we patent the technology, there’s no telling how widely it can be applied and what the revenue might be. He doesn’t want NIH to own half of the patent.”
A pause, brimming with frustration. I can almost picture Levi running a hand through his hair. “NASA doesn’t have the budget to do the project alone—that’s why NIH was brought in to begin with. Are you telling me that they’d rather have BLINK not happen at all than share the credit? And who will be in charge of the neuroscience portion?”
“Dr. K?nigswasser is not the only neuroscientist in the world. We have several at NASA who are—”
“Not nearly as good as her, not when it comes to neurostimulation.”
This is a bizarro world. More bizarre than I could ever imagine. I’m in the Upside Down, my heart’s thudding in my ears, and Levi Ward just said something nice about me. A cold, slimy feeling coils in the pit of my stomach. I might throw up, except that I’m completely hollow. I was full of rage when I came here, but that’s draining.
“We’ll make do. Levi, BLINK will be moved to the next budget review, and by then NASA will approve full funding. That way we won’t need NIH. You’ll still be in charge.”
“That’s a year from now, and you can’t guarantee that. Just like you can’t guarantee that the Sullivan prototype will be used.”
A pause. “Son, I understand this is important to you. I feel the same, but—”
“I doubt it.”
“Excuse me?”
Levi’s voice could cut titanium. “I seriously doubt you feel the same.”
“Levi—”
“If you do, authorize the equipment purchase.”
A sigh. “Levi, I like you. I really do. You’re a smart guy. One of the best engineers I know—maybe the best. But you’re young and have no idea about the pressure everyone’s under. BLINK’s unlikely to happen this year. Better make peace with it.”
Seconds pass. I can’t hear Levi’s reply, so I lean in even farther—which turns out to be a terrible idea, because the door swings open. I jump back quickly enough that Boris doesn’t see me, but when Levi steps outside I’m still standing right there, by the office. He slams the door and begins stalking away angrily. Then he notices me and freezes.
He looks furious. And big. Furiously big.
I should say something. Play it cool. Make it seem like I only just wandered here, looking for the office supply closet. Oh, Levi, do you know where they keep the pencil sharpeners? Problem is, that ship has long sailed, and while we study each other with equally raw expressions, I experience an odd, transient feeling. Like this is the first time Levi sees me. No, not quite: like this is the first time I see him. Like the elaborate maze of mirrors through which we’ve been looking at each other has been shattered, the shards swept away.