Jason stopped walking.
‘It was pretty bad, wasn’t it?’ he said, after a pause. ‘We were very shit at it.’
This made me laugh, despite everything.
‘You didn’t deserve to be treated like that,’ I continued, trying to get it all out now while I had the chance.
Jason nodded. ‘That is true.’
‘And I need you to know that it was nothing to do with you – you’re – you’re perfect.’
Jason smiled, and attempted to flip the hair of his wig. ‘Also true.’
‘I’m just – I’m just different. I just can’t feel that stuff.’
‘Yeah.’ Jason nodded again. ‘You’re … asexual? Or aromantic?’
I froze. ‘What – wait, you know what those are?’
‘Well … I’d heard of them. And when you messaged me I made the connection and then I went and looked them up and, yeah. That sounded like what you were describing.’ He looked alarmed suddenly. ‘Am I wrong? I’m so sorry if I got it wrong …’
‘No, no – you’re right.’ I let out a breath. ‘I-I am. Uh, both of them. Aro-ace.’
‘Aro-ace,’ Jason repeated. ‘Well.’
‘Yeah.’
He slotted his hand into mine and we resumed walking.
‘You didn’t reply to my message, though,’ I pointed out.
‘Well … I was really upset.’ He stared at the ground. ‘And … I couldn’t really talk to you while I was … still in love with you.’
There was a long pause. I had no idea what to say to that.
Eventually, he said, ‘D’you know when I first realised I liked you?’
I looked up at him, not sure where this was going. ‘When?’
‘When you clapped back at Mr Cole that time during Les Mis rehearsals.’
Clapped back? I couldn’t remember a time when I’d clapped back at a teacher, let alone Mr Cole, the authoritarian director of our school plays in the sixth form.
‘I don’t remember that,’ I said.
‘Really?’ Jason chuckled. ‘He was shouting at me because I’d told him I had to miss a rehearsal that afternoon to go to a dentist appointment. And you were there, and he turned to you and said, Georgia, you agree with me, right? Jason is Javert, he’s a key role and he should have organised his appointment for another time. And you know what Mr Cole was like – anyone who disagreed with him was officially his enemy. But you just looked him in the eyes and were like, Well, it’s too late to change it now, so there’s no point shouting at Jason about it. And that just shut him right up and he stormed away to his office.’
I did remember this incident. But I didn’t think I’d been particularly forceful or bold. I’d just tried to stand up for my best friend who was clearly in the right.
‘It just made me think … Georgia might be kind of quiet and shy, but she’d stand up to a scary teacher if one of her friends was being shouted at. That’s the sort of person you are. It made me feel certain that you truly cared about me. And I guess that’s when I started … you know, falling for you.’
‘I still care about you that much,’ I said immediately, even though I didn’t think what I’d said to Mr Cole was particularly special or brave. I still wanted Jason to know that I cared about him exactly as much as he’d thought in that moment.
‘I know,’ he said with a smile. ‘That’s partly why I needed some space away from you. To get over you.’
‘Did you get over me?’
‘I … I’m trying. It’s going to take time. But I’m trying.’
I subconsciously withdrew my hand from his. Was I making this worse for him just by being around him?
He noticed this happen and there was a pause before he spoke again.
‘When you told me why you dated me, I … I mean, obviously I was crushed,’ he continued. ‘I felt like … you just didn’t care about me at all. But after I got your message, I think I started to realise that you’ve just … you’ve been so confused about stuff. You really thought we could be together, because you do love me. Not in a romantic way, but just as strongly. You’re still that person who stuck up for me to Mr Cole. You’re still my best friend.’ He glanced at me. ‘You and me not being a couple doesn’t change that at all. I haven’t lost anything, just because we’re not dating.’