The entrance was down an alleyway, and it was free to get in before 11 p.m. They didn’t need IDs as we were all wearing freshers’ wristbands. Inside, it was as if someone had designed me my own personal hell – a tight-packed crowd, sticky floors and music so loud it took Rooney repeating herself three times before I realised she was asking me if I wanted to go to the bar.
I listened to what she ordered so I’d know what to ask for – vodka and lemonade. Then there was chatting, and more chatting, and more chatting. Well, shouting, actually. Mostly people wanted to talk about what are you studying, and where are you from, and how are you finding it all. I started repeating sentences word for word to multiple people. Like a robot. God. I just wanted to make a friend.
And then there was dancing. I started to notice just how many of the songs were about romance or sex. How had I never noticed that before? Like, almost all songs ever written are about romance or sex. And it felt like they were taunting me.
Rooney tried to get me to dance with her, just in a casual, fun way, and I tried, I swear I tried, but she gave up quickly and found someone else. I bobbed along the side of various people I’d had conversations with. I was having fun.
I was having fun.
I was not having fun.
It was nearing eleven o’clock when I messaged Pip, mostly because I wanted someone to talk to without having to shout.
Georgia Warr
HEY how are you this evening
Felipa Quintana
Everything is absolutely fine why do you ask
I may have smashed a wine glass
Georgia Warr
pip . . . . . . . . .
Felipa Quintana
Let me live
Georgia Warr
how come you’re drinking
Felipa Quintana
Because I am the master of my own fate and I live for chaos Jk our corridor is having a pizza and alcohol night
Btw I think I left my jacket in your room last night?
Georgia Warr
oh no!!! i’ll bring it when i visit you, don’t worry ‘Who you texting?’ Rooney shouted in my ear.
‘Pip!’ I shouted back.
‘What’s she saying?’
I showed Rooney the message about Pip’s smashed glass. Rooney grinned at it, and then laughed.
‘I like her!’ she shouted. ‘She’s so funny!’ And then she went back to dancing.
Georgia Warr
anyway guess where I am
Felipa Quintana
Omg where
Georgia Warr
A CLUB
Felipa Quintana
ARE YOU JOKING
I never thought I would see this day
Baby’s first club!!!
Wait was this Rooney’s idea? Is she peer pressuring you???
Georgia Warr
no i wanted to go haha!!
Felipa Quintana
Okay well be safe!!!!! Don’t do drugs!!!!! Watch out for nasty men!!!!!!!
I hung in there, bobbing, until Rooney wanted to get some fresh air. Well, as much fresh air as you could get in the smoking area out the back of the club.
We leant against the brick wall of the building. I shivered, but Rooney seemed fine.
‘So?’ she asked. ‘What’s your official clubbing verdict?’
I made a face. I couldn’t help it.
She threw her head back against the wall and laughed.
‘At least you’re honest about it,’ she said. ‘A lot of people hate it and still go anyway.’
‘I guess.’ I sipped my drink. ‘I just wanted to try it. I wanted to be a part of the uni experience. You know.’
She nodded. ‘Gross clubs are an important staple of university life, yes.’
I couldn’t tell whether she was being sarcastic.
I was a little drunk, to be fair.
‘I just want … I want to meet people, and … do normal things,’ I said, throwing back the last of my drink. I didn’t even like it that much, but everyone was drinking, and I’d look weird if I wasn’t, wouldn’t I? ‘I don’t have a great track record of doing that very well.’
‘Don’t you?’
‘Nope. I have hardly any friends. I’ve always had hardly any friends.’
Rooney’s smile dropped. ‘Oh.’
‘I’ve never even had a boyfriend. Or even kissed anyone.’
The words just came on out before I could stop them.
I immediately cringed at myself. Shit. That was the thing I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone any more. That was the thing people had made fun of me for.
Rooney’s eyebrows raised. ‘Wow, really?’
She wasn’t being sarcastic. That was pure, genuine shock. I don’t know why I was surprised – people’s reactions during truth or dare on prom night must have been how everyone felt. But it really got to me in that moment. The weird looks. The people who’d suddenly see me as a child, as immature. The movies where the main characters freaked out about being virgins at the age of sixteen.