And suddenly the idea was swirling around my brain and I couldn’t stop myself wondering. Maybe this was like all those American romcoms I’d spent my whole teenage life watching; maybe Jason and I were meant to be like the two leads from 13 Going On 30 or Easy A, maybe ‘he’d been there all along’， maybe I just hadn’t tapped into my romantic feelings because I felt so comfortable and safe around Jason and I’d just written him off as ‘best friend’ when in fact he could have been ‘boyfriend’ instead.
Maybe, if I reached out, if I pushed myself – maybe Jason was the love of my life.
‘Wh … what do I do?’ I whispered.
Rooney put her hands back in her pockets. ‘I’m not sure yet. But –’ she stood up, her hair falling around her shoulders like a superhero cape – ‘I think we’re going to be able to solve your little never kissed anyone situation.’
I was woken from a dream that night when Rooney returned to our room. She’d told us to go back to college without her. I couldn’t see her very well without my glasses on, but she seemed to be tiptoeing around like a cartoon character. She flicked the kettle on to make her post-night-out cup of tea, and when she opened her wardrobe, various hangers fell down, making a very loud clatter. She froze and said, ‘Oh no.’
I put my glasses on just in time to see her turn to me with a guilty expression.
‘Sorry,’ she whispered loudly.
‘S’fine,’ I mumbled, croaky from sleep. I checked my phone. 5:21a.m. How. How did any human stay awake, let alone stay out clubbing for that long? I had my late-night 200k fanfic mistakes but that was just sitting in bed reading. ‘Didn’t know anywhere stayed open this late.’
Rooney chuckled. ‘Oh, no, it doesn’t. I was at this guy’s place.’
I frowned, a little confused. But then I understood. She was at a guy’s place, having sex.
‘Oh,’ I said. ‘Cool.’
I did actually think this was quite cool. I was always a bit envious of people who were super sex-positive and felt comfortable enough to just bang whoever they fancied. I couldn’t even imagine feeling comfortable enough to let someone kiss me, let alone going to an absolute stranger’s home and getting naked.
She shrugged. ‘Wasn’t that great, to be honest. Bit of a letdown. But, you know. Why not! Everyone’s up for it this week.’
I was curious as to what way the guy had been a letdown but felt it might be a bit intrusive to ask.
Rooney then let out a dramatic gasp, swung her body round and whispered, ‘I forgot to water Roderick,’ before quickly filling a mug with water, running over to her house plant, and pouring it into his pot.
‘D’you think …’ I began, but then stopped. Sleepiness was making me want to be honest.
I didn’t like being honest.
‘What?’ she said, having finished tending to Roderick. She walked over to her bed and wrenched her heels off.
‘D’you think I’m immature?’ I asked, bleary-eyed, my brain not fully awake.
‘Why would I think that?’ She started unzipping her jumpsuit.
‘Because I haven’t had sex or kissed anyone or … any of that. And I’m not … getting with guys and … you know.’ Being you. Doing what you do.
She looked at me. ‘Do you think you’re immature?’
‘No. I just think a lot of other people think I am.’
‘Have they told you that?’
I thought back to the prom afterparty.
‘Yeah,’ I said.
Rooney tugged off her jumpsuit and sat down on her bed in just her underwear. ‘That’s horrible.’
‘So … am I?’
Rooney paused. ‘I think it’s pretty amazing that you haven’t felt peer-pressured into doing anything by now. You haven’t made yourself do anything you didn’t want to do. You haven’t kissed anyone just because you’re scared of missing out. I think that’s one of the most mature things I’ve ever heard, actually.’
I closed my eyes and thought about telling her what had happened with Tommy. I’d almost gone through with that.
But when I opened my eyes again, I found her just sitting there on the bed, looking at the photo of her and Mermaid-hair Beth. Beth must have been a really good friend. It was the only photo Rooney had put on the wall.
Then her head whipped round to face me and she said, ‘So are you going to try dating Jason?’
It all came flooding back, and that was all it took.