The look on my face was probably answer enough, but I told him anyway.
‘No,’ I said. ‘It’s … it’s still all …’ I made a gesture with my hands. ‘It’s not happening.’
‘Oh.’ Sunil nodded as if he’d expected it, but his obvious disappointment made me want to cry a bit. ‘That’s really sad.’
‘I’m trying to make things right,’ I said instantly. ‘I’m actually here because I wanted to find Pip and see if she’d reconsider.’
Sunil glanced around the room. ‘I don’t think I’ve seen her.’
‘No, I don’t think she’s here.’
There was a pause. I didn’t know what to tell him. I didn’t know how to make any of this better.
‘Well … if there’s anything I can do,’ said Sunil, ‘I’d – I’d like to help. It really was nice to just have something fun to do that wasn’t stressful. Everything’s a bit stressful for me at the moment, what with third year and Pride Soc and Lloyd is determined to be a perpetual annoyance in my life.’ He glanced quickly towards where the ex-president, Lloyd, was sitting at a table with a group of people.
‘What’s he been doing?’
‘He’s just been trying to weasel himself back on to the society exec.’ Sunil rolled his eyes. ‘He thinks his opinions are vital to the society because my perspective is too inclusive. Can you believe that? Too inclusive? This is a society for queer and questioning students, for God’s sake. You don’t have to take a test to get in.’
‘He’s a dickhead,’ I said.
‘He is. Very much so.’
‘Is there anything I can do to help?’
Sunil laughed. ‘Oh, I don’t know. Spill a drink on him? No, I’m joking. You’re sweet, though.’ He shook his head. ‘Anyway – Shakespeare Soc. Is there any way I can help resolve the situation?’ He looked almost desperate. ‘I … It really was the most fun I’ve had in quite a while.’
‘Well … unless there’s a way you can get Jason and Pip to talk to me and Rooney again, I don’t think there’s really any way it’s happening.’
‘I could talk to Jason,’ he said instantly. ‘We chat on Whatsapp occasionally. I could get him to come to a rehearsal.’
I felt my heart race with hope. ‘Really? Are you sure?’
‘I really don’t want this play to fall apart.’ Sunil shook his head. ‘I really didn’t have any fun hobbies before. Orchestra is stressful and Pride Soc doesn’t count as a hobby, and they’re fun, but they’re work. This play … it was just joy, you know?’ He smiled, gazing down. ‘When we started rehearsing, I … honestly, I was a little concerned it was a waste of time. Time I should be using studying and doing things for my other societies. But making friends with you all, acting out fun scenes, having pizza nights and everyone’s silly messages in the group chat – it was just joy. Pure joy. And it took me so long to feel like I deserved that. But I do! And this is it!’ He let out a bright, carefree laugh. ‘And now I’m oversharing!’
I wondered whether he was a little tipsy, before remembering that Sunil didn’t drink alcohol. He was just being earnest.
It made me want to be earnest too.
‘You do deserve that,’ I said. ‘You … you helped me so much. I don’t know where I would be or how I would feel if I hadn’t met you. And … I feel like you’ve done that for a lot of people. And it’s been hard sometimes. And people haven’t always checked up on you.’ I felt embarrassed by what I was saying, but I wanted him to know. ‘And even if you’d done none of that … you’re my friend. And you’re one of the best people I know. So you do deserve that. You deserve joy.’ I couldn’t stop myself from smiling. ‘And I like it when you overshare!’
He laughed again. ‘Why are we being all emotional?’
‘I don’t know. You started it.’
We were interrupted by Jess and another of Sunil’s vice-presidents, who had come to summon him to the front of the room. Sunil had to make a speech.
‘I’ll message him,’ he said, as he walked away.
That was when I knew that I could not rest until I got the Shakespeare Soc back together. Not just because I wanted Pip and Jason to be my friends again – but for Sunil too. Because, despite his hectic life and all the important things he had going on, he’d found joy in our stupid little play. And months ago, at that Autumn Pride Soc formal, Sunil had been there for me in a moment of crisis, even while he was stressed out and dealing with assholes. Now it was my turn to be there for him.