“Is Maggie your girlfriend?”
I shake my head. “Nope.”
“But you’ve had sex with her?”
The combination of my eleven-year-old asking if I’ve had sex with someone while chewing on a mouthful of ham is both odd and entertaining. “What?”
“You mentioned something about not being able to spend the night with her again. Which means you’ve spent the night with her before. Which probably means you’ve had sex with her because Cody says that’s what adults do when they spend the night with each other.”
“Cody is eleven. He isn’t always right.”
“So that’s a no?”
I feel guilty because I’m currently wishing Justice were still in bed sick. “Can we put this conversation on pause until you’re about fourteen?”
Justice rolls his eyes. “You say you like that I’m a curious kid, but then you never want to feed my curiosity.”
“I like that you’re curious. I like feeding your curiosity. But sometimes you’re too hungry.” I open the refrigerator and grab him a water. “Drink this. You haven’t had enough liquid today.”
Justice grabs the water from me. “Fine. But on my fourteenth birthday, be prepared to revisit this conversation.”
I laugh. God, I love this kid. But at this rate, I’m not sure I’ll make it until he’s fourteen. His curiosity is going to kill the cat. I’m the cat.
“You want me to make you something else to eat?”
Justice nods and closes the deli meat. “I’ll take some cinnamon toast. Can we watch Signs?”
I want to tell him no because the idea of watching one of his favorite movies for the twentieth time sounds excruciating. But I know before long, the last thing he’ll want to do is watch movies with his dad. As a father, I’ve learned to take what I can get while I can get it, because none of the phases a child goes through last forever. Eventually, the things you once found repetitive and irritating become the very things you’d give anything to repeat.
“Yeah, we can watch Signs. Get it started while I make your toast.”
I scan the radio stations in search of a song I can sing to. I’m in the mood to sing. My windows are down, the weather is gorgeous, and it occurred to me on my way home from work that I haven’t been in the mood to sing at the top of my lungs in my car in a long time. I don’t know if it’s because of the trajectory my life took over the past year, or if it’s college, or a combination of both. But something shifted this past week. It’s as if my life was a roller coaster, speeding through dark tunnels and spinning through loops with my entire body being jerked left to right and front to back and then…whoosh. The emotional roller coaster is coming to a smooth, slow, comforting part of the ride where I can just release a breath and know that I’m safe and everything inside of me is beginning to settle.
That’s what this feels like. My life is finally beginning to feel settled.
After helping move Maggie in on Sunday, we were all exhausted. We sprawled out on her living room furniture, me and Ridge on one couch, Maggie and Bridgette on the other, and Warren on the floor. We all watched the season finale of The Bachelor—a show none of us has seen a single episode of all season, but we couldn’t find the remote and no one felt like changing the channel. Warren got really into it and started arguing with the TV when he felt the guy picked the girl Warren would have bet against if Warren had money.
When it was over, Ridge and I walked back to his apartment and crashed for the night. I was too exhausted to drive home, and we were both too exhausted to even shower. We walked straight to the bed and fell on top of it. We must have fallen asleep right away without even removing our clothes, because I woke up in the middle of the night to him slipping off my shoes and pulling the covers over me.
It’s been three days since then, and it’s all just felt so right. So good. It’s strange how I don’t even have my shit together yet, being a college student living paycheck to paycheck. But I feel like I would be happy with my life if it stayed this way forever. It goes to show that a person really doesn’t need much if they’re surrounded by the right people. Loved by the right people.
If I could bottle up the love I have for my life today, I would. It’s a love worth saving.
I pull into my complex and grab my phone to check it as I exit my car. There’s still no text from Ridge. He told me he’d text when he finished up with work today, but it’s after seven and I haven’t heard from him.