I would have traded years of my life for just one minute of normalcy.
That’s exactly what Maggie’s doing. She just wants a minute of normalcy. And the only way she gets those moments of normalcy are when she ignores the weight of her reality.
If I could rewind the clock and start yesterday over again, I would do so many things differently. I would have included Sydney in that trip. I wouldn’t have allowed Maggie to leave the hospital. And I would have sat down with her and explained to her that I want to help her. I want to be there for her. But I can’t be there for her when she refuses to be there for herself.
Instead, I allowed every pent-up negative thought I’ve never said spill out all at once. It was truthful, yes, but the delivery was hurtful. There are much better ways to share your truth than to force it on someone so hard it injures them.
Maggie’s feelings were hurt. Her pride was bruised. And while it’s easy for me to say her actions warranted my reaction, it doesn’t mean I don’t regret that reaction.
I’m trying not to think about it, but it’s consuming me. And I know the only thing that can alleviate everything I’m feeling is to talk to the one person in my life who understands my feelings more than anyone. But she’s also the last person I want to subject to a discussion about Maggie.
I turn off the water in Sydney’s shower. I’ve been in here for over half an hour, but I’m trying hard to figure out how to suppress everything I’m feeling right now. Sydney deserves a night untainted by my past relationship. This week has been tough, and she deserves one night of near perfection, where she is my sole focus and I am hers.
And I’m going to give her that.
I walk out of her bathroom in just a towel. Not because I’m trying to distract her from the homework she’s currently doing on her bed, but because my pants are on her bedroom floor and I need them. When I drop the towel and pull on my jeans, she looks up from her homework with the tip of her pencil in her mouth, chewing on it with a grin.
I smile back at her because I can’t help it. She pushes her books aside and pats the bed beside her. I sit down and lean back against the headboard. She slides her leg over me and straddles me, running her hands through my wet hair. She leans forward, kissing me on the forehead, and I’m not sure if she’s ever done that before. I close my eyes as she plants soft kisses all over my face. She ends with a soft peck against my lips.
I just want to revel in this moment, so I pull her to me, not really interested in conversation or making out. I just want to hold her and keep my eyes closed and appreciate that she’s mine. And she allows it for all of two minutes, but one of the advantages she holds over me is being able to hear the sighs I forget I’m even releasing.
This includes the heavy sigh that instantly causes her concern to resurface. She pulls back, holding my face with her hands. She narrows her eyes as if it’s a warning that I better not lie to her.
“What is wrong with you? Be honest this time.”
I’m not getting out of this without complete transparency. I slide my hands from her waist up to her shoulders. I squeeze them and then gently move her off me. “Laptops,” I tell her.
We use our laptops for the serious conversations. The ones we know will require too much patience for signing or lip-reading or text. I walk to her living room and grab my laptop out of my bag. When I make it back to her room, she’s sitting against the headboard with her laptop, her eyes following me to my spot on the bed. I open up our messenger and begin the conversation.
Ridge: For the record, I wanted to avoid this conversation tonight. But I’m not sure there’s a single emotion I can feel without you reading it.
Sydney: You’re not as transparent as you seem to think you are.
Ridge: I only feel transparent to you.
Sydney: Well, let’s see if you’re right. I’m going to try and pinpoint what’s bothering you.
Ridge: Okay. Are we taking bets? Because if you guess right, I’m taking you out on a date tonight. But if you guess wrong, you’re going on a date with me tonight.
Sydney: ;） We’ve never been on a real date before.
Ridge: You better guess either right or wrong then, or we won’t be going.
Sydney: Okay. I’m gonna take a stab at it, then. I can tell by your body language that your mind is somewhere else tonight. And based on the past twenty-four hours you’ve had, I’m going to assume your mind is on Maggie.
Ridge: I wish I could tell you you’re wrong. But you’re right. I just hope you know it’s completely innocent. I just can’t help but feel bad for everything I said to her.