I’m still at a loss for words. I take a sip of my water and then slowly screw the cap back on, staring down at it, avoiding Sydney’s teary eyes. I’m trying to make sense of everything she just said without taking too much time before I respond. “That was a lot,” I say. “I need a moment.”
Sydney nods. We sit together in silence for a bit while I process everything. While I process her. I don’t understand her. How can one person be this understanding? It would be so easy for her to be in Ridge’s ear right now instead of mine, convincing him that I don’t appreciate him and all that he’s done enough for me. But instead, she’s here. More than likely without his knowledge. She’s not fighting to fit erase me from the picture, one I honestly no longer belong in. she’s fighting to fit into a picture that already exists. To embrace its inhabitants. To be included.
“You’re a better person than me,” I finally say. “I can see now why he fell in love with you.”
Sydney smiles a little. “He once fell in love with you, too, Maggie. I find it hard to believe he didn’t have a million reasons for doing so.”
I stare at her, wondering if that’s actually true. I’ve always felt like my illness was the reason Ridge fell in love with me. I even said that to him once. My exact words were, “I think my illness is the thing you love the most about me.” I said it right here in the living room when we ended things for good.
But maybe that wasn’t true. Maybe he loved me for me, and in doing so, he really did want the best for me because of me, and not because of his personality.
My God, my mother sure fucked me up. I guess that’s expected, though. When you have a mother who can’t love you, how are you supposed to believe anyone else could?
Sydney is right. Ridge deserves a lot more respect than what I’ve given him. He also deserves the girl sitting across from me right now, because this situation could have taken so many possible roads, but Sydney chose the high one. When a person takes the high road, it encourages those around them to do the same.
It might be a tight and awkward fit at first, but I’m glad she’s now in our frame.
I’m walking around my apartment on eggshells, afraid to open doors, afraid to eat food out of the refrigerator, afraid to go to sleep. It’s Warren’s turn to prank me, so I’m expecting it every hour and with everything I eat or drink. But it never comes. Which makes me even more paranoid.
Maybe not pranking me is the prank.
No, he’s not that clever.
I wish I could stay over at Sydney’s place tonight just to get rid of this paranoia, but she works at the library until close, so she won’t even be home until after midnight. Then she has class at eight in the morning.
I haven’t seen her since Saturday. Or Sunday, really, but I slept so hard I don’t even remember her leaving for breakfast or writing me the note. But it’s Tuesday now, and I’m going through Sydney withdrawals.
I’m finally caught up on work, though. And I’ve sent Brennan lyrics to a whole new song. Now I’m Googling new ways to prank Warren because I feel like I need to stay a step ahead of him, but the best Google can come up with are the Post-it Note pranks we refuse to stoop to. Everything else, we’ve tried.
I’m watching a video compilation on YouTube of roommates pranking each other when I feel my phone vibrate on my bed.
Sydney: I’m tired of restocking books. They really should have robots for this by now.
Ridge: But then you’d be out of a job.
Sydney: Unless I was an engineer. Then I could be in charge of the robot.
Ridge: Maybe you should switch your major.
Sydney: What are you doing right now?
Ridge: Googling ways to prank Warren. I’m out of ideas. You got any?
Sydney: You should fill a box with five kittens and put it in his bedroom. Because buying your friend one kitten is kind of sweet, but buying them five kittens is terrible.
Ridge: I’m not sure that would be funny for me because he’d probably keep all five of them and I’d end up having to pay five pet deposits.
Sydney: Yeah, that was a terrible prank idea.
Ridge: I see nothing has changed. I’m still the prank master.
Sydney: Says the guy who’s experiencing a bad case of pranker’s block.
Ridge: Touché. Hey, do you get a lunch break tonight?
Sydney: Just took it at six. :/
Ridge: Dammit. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon. You want me to come to your place?
Sydney: Yes, please. I want you all to myself for the night.