“Penny for your thoughts?”
I glance up at Warren, who’s leaning against the counter, watching me think. I shrug my shoulders and set my uneaten food aside, then hug myself and stare down at my feet, afraid that if I look directly at him, he’ll know what I’m thinking.
“Look,” he says, dipping his head to try to get me to look him in the eye. “I know you haven’t asked about him because you know as well as I do how much you need to move on. But if you have questions, I’ll answer them, Sydney. I’ll answer them because you’re my friend, and that’s what friends do.”
My chest rises with my deep intake of breath, and before I can fully release it, the question spills from my mouth. “How is he?”
Warren clenches his jaw, which makes me think he wishes he hadn’t given me the opening to ask about Ridge. “He’s okay. He’ll be okay.”
I nod but instantly have a million follow-up questions to ask.
Did she take him back?
Has he asked about me?
Does he seem happy?
Do you think he regrets me now?
I decide to take it one question at a time, because I’m not even sure his answers will be good for me at this point. I swallow nervously, then look up at him. “Did she forgive him?”
Warren is the one who can’t hold the eye contact now. He straightens up, turns around with his back to me, and places his palms flat on the counter. His head hangs between his shoulders as he sighs uncomfortably.
“I’m not sure if I should be telling you this.” He pauses for a moment, then turns back around to face me. “She did forgive him. From what he told me, she understood the situation between you and Ridge. I’m not saying she wasn’t upset about it at all, but she did forgive him.”
His answer completely slays me. I slap my hand over my mouth to muffle my cry, and then I turn away from Warren. I’m confused by my reaction and confused by my heart. I’m immediately consumed with relief to know that she forgave him, but the relief washes away with grief at the realization that she forgave him. I don’t even know how to feel. I’m relieved for Ridge and grieving for myself.
Warren sighs heavily, and I feel awful for allowing him to see me react this way. I shouldn’t have asked. Dammit, why did I ask?
“I wasn’t finished, Sydney,” he says quietly.
I shake my head and keep facing the opposite direction while he gets out the rest of what he wants to say.
“She forgave him for what happened with you, but what happened with you was also an eye opener about why they were even together in the first place. It turns out she couldn’t find a good enough reason to take him back. Ridge said she’s got a lot of life left to live, but she can’t live it to the fullest when he’s constantly trying to hold her back.”
I bring both hands to my face, completely perplexed by my heart now. Just seconds ago, I was grieving because she forgave him, and now I’m grieving because she didn’t.
Just three months ago, I was sitting outside on my suitcases in the rain, believing I was experiencing what it felt like to be heartbroken.
God, I was wrong. So damn wrong.
This is heartbroken.
This.
Right now.
Warren’s arms wrap around me, and he pulls me to him. I know he doesn’t want to see me upset, and I’m really trying my best not to appear that way. Crying about it won’t help, anyway. It hasn’t helped for the past six days I’ve been doing it.
I pull away from Warren and walk to the counter, where I tear off a paper towel. I wad it up and wipe my eyes with it. “I hate feelings,” I say as I sniffle back more tears.