I swiped another tear away as they fell faster, forcing myself to maintain eye contact even though it was killing me. “I can’t do this; I can’t be the person who puts a man and a relationship before myself or my kid again. Especially when you have so many reasons to walk away.”
He pulled on my arm, drawing me in closer, and placed his hands on my cheeks. “I’m not going anywhere, Maddie. I want you; I want everything about you, the good parts, the bad parts, and the annoying as fuck parts, I want it all.”
I shook my head, disbelieving. “What if the bad parts out-shadow the good ones?”
“I’ll still want you.”
“You say that, but you’re not thinking it through. My shit isn’t going to disappear the moment we’re official. What if Aaron comes around again? That’s drama you don’t need in your life.”
He snorted. “Trust me, he won’t. But I’d still want you.”
For my own best interest, I decided to file that foreboding comment away to question later. “And then there’s Jamie’s sperm donor. Eventually I’ll have to go to court and try to terminate his rights again, and that’s even more drama, and money, and time, and—”
“I’ll hold your hand every step of the way and still want you.”
I sputtered; the man couldn’t be serious. Even I didn’t want to date someone like me. I pushed harder, determined to prove I was right.
“I can’t do sporadic sleepovers with you because I have schoolwork, I can’t go out to dinner on the weekends because I work, I can’t go on trips because I have a kid to take care of. Hell, we haven’t even been on a real date. I’m not girlfriend material, Garrett. I’m a walking disaster.”
He chuckled, his eyes drifting to watch his thumb wipe a stray tear from my cheek, “Yeah, you are.”
I hiccupped. “Then why are you pushing this? Why do you want it? Have you met you? You could have literally anyone.”
His eyes clashed back with mine, heat and intensity staring into me. “Because I love you.”
I reared back, my wide eyes blinking up at him like he’d told me the sky was made of cheese. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, I’m in love with you, and I’m done pretending I’m not.”
“But you said you wouldn’t catch feelings.”
“I lied.” He shrugged like we were talking about the weather, like he hadn’t just decimated my world and every fabricated truth I’d been clinging to.
“And I know you feel it, too, even if you’re not ready to voice it out loud yet. I know you love me, and I’m not going anywhere.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, scoffing. Of course, I wasn’t ready. I hadn’t even been able to voice it out loud in the privacy of my bedroom yet.
“So, what? You’ll just wait for me to be ready? To get my shit and my life together? No matter how long it may take?”
“No, baby, I won’t wait for you.”
Even though it’s exactly what I’d expected, what I’d pushed for, my heart still faltered, and my lungs seized up as I tried to step away.
He gripped me harder, digging his fingers into the side of my neck. “Waiting indicates I’d willingly watch you walk away with the blind hope you’d come back. I won’t do that.”
He tilted my head back, forcing me to stand flush against him. “But I will follow you anywhere, baby. I’ll run a never-ending race for you. Name the distance. I’ll go at whatever speed you let me. I’ll sprint, walk, or crawl to get to you. I will never give you up.”
My heart was gone, my ribcage empty. I wasn’t sure if it was currently a melted puddle at my feet or if it was now in Garrett Rowe’s chest. All I knew was it was no longer mine. I placed my hands over his, holding them to my face, “You’re insane.”