“Yeah, yeah, I’ll tell her, but you and I are going to talk about this more the next time you come over for dinner.”
“Love you! Goodbye!”
“Love you too.”
I turned my music up, trying to drown out the thoughts going through my head and failing. It’s not like I wanted to work yet another shift. Saturday was the only day of the entire week that I didn’t work during the day. I was tired enough as it was.
But the worst part was I’d be sacrificing even more of my time with Jamie. I knew he understood, but I hated it more than I could put into words. And who would be with him while I was gone? I couldn’t keep sending him to my parents. They had lives and full-time jobs too. They deserved a break on the weekends.
I tightened my grip on the steering wheel, breathing out slowly, but the more I thought about it, the more that thick, suffocating feeling slid through my limbs, weighing me down. No matter how hard I swam, I couldn’t ever seem to pull myself out of it enough to not let it suck me back in.
I felt the telltale burn of tears, and I blinked rapidly to contain them. The last thing I needed was for Jamie to see I’d been crying. “Keep it together, Madison.”
But the moment the first tear leaked, I lost complete control over all of them. They poured down my face silently, not caring even the slightest about the mascara they were sure to ruin.
I knew who I needed to call. Who would tell me the truth and could help me get my shit together. The only person who could. Not letting myself second-guess it, I clicked on my Bluetooth and voice dialed.
“Well, hey, baby mama.”
“Hey, I’ll be pulling up to Jamie’s school soon so I can’t talk long, but do you have a second?”
“Who do I need to beat up? I can head out first thing tomorrow.”
I laughed, wiping at my face. Leave it to my best friend to instantly know how to pull me out of my funk. “Put down the shank, Jethro. No murdering today.”
“Why does it sound like you’ve been crying?”
Of course, she’d pick up on it right away. I’d known Layla since we were ten. We’d seen each other through our worst phases, our awkward phases, and our too-drunk-to-function phases.
She’d been the one to hold my hand for fourteen hours while I gave birth. She knew what I sounded like when I screamed, when I laughed, when I cried, and when I took a shit. She knew everything. So I wrapped myself in the comfort of our friendship and let myself fall apart a little.
“Am I a bad mom for being gone so much?” I heaved in a shaky breath, ignoring the car stopped next to me at the light. Lord only knows how deranged I looked.
“What? No. Who told you you’re a bad mom for working?”
“No one.” I sniffled, wiping at my nose. “Evaline asked me to take another position which would make me work a few random Saturdays, and I said yes. Not that I had much choice in the matter.”
“You gave up your only day with Jamie?”
“Yes,” I whispered, hating to admit it out loud.
“Who’s going to hang out with him?”
“I’m not sure yet, I’ll probably have to ask my parents.” As much as I didn’t want to ask, I knew they’d do it. They may not have been happy when I wound up pregnant at sixteen, but they loved him with every piece of their hearts.
“Bitch, I’ve told you I’d move there and help you. You know I will.”
“I know.” The line went silent for a minute, apart from her shuffling the phone around.
“Well, I’m pulling into Jamie’s school, so I have to go. I just needed to verbally process my emotions.”