I pressed my legs together, biting my bottom lip to keep my face from displaying the irrational thoughts his voice sent through my head. I swore the way he said my name was like ear porn. I glanced at him in time to catch a small flare of his nostrils.
“School,” I blurted. Slouching over the blanket, I lowered my voice. “I’m taking online courses at the university.”
His eyebrows shot up, the hazel of his eyes appearing more brown in the darkening evening light. “Like administrative courses for your job or something?”
“No, I’m enrolled full time. I have a few associate degrees I transferred with, but I’m focusing on my bachelor’s right now. It’s honestly not awful, I just do it at night because of my work schedule.”
“And you’re a mom.” He shook his head, releasing a heavy sigh. “Jesus fucking Christ, Madison.”
Before thinking better of it, I reached over and patted his knee, “It’s really not as bad as it sounds.”
His eyes darted down, focusing on where I touched him. Feeling like I’d crossed an invisible line, I pulled it back, but his eyes stayed pinned on his knee.
“I get it now, why you told Layla you don’t—”
My phone’s shrill ringtone filled the silence, cutting him off and making me jump. I bundled the blanket up and tossed it in his lap, lifting my legs and searching for the phone hidden somewhere beneath me.
It was probably Layla calling while she watched us from the living room window like a voyeur. I’d answer, and she’d likely greet me with a dirty comment about Garrett. I was already chuckling over the imaginary conversation when I located the device.
Caller ID: Don’t Answer.
My fingers clenched around the screen involuntarily, and my body tensed. How many years would it take for me to stop reacting this way? How many years away from him before the thought of his voice no longer sent me into a downward spiral of self-hatred?
I closed my eyes, willing it away, but when I opened them, the contact name was still across my screen, laughing at me. I’d known his silence wouldn’t last forever. Why couldn’t he just leave me alone? Forget me? It wasn’t hard, Jamie’s sperm donor had proved that much.
Angry at myself for my inability to keep from obsessing over past mistakes, I smashed the power button harder than necessary to silence it, and looked up at Garrett. “Sorry about that. What were you saying?”
But he wasn’t looking at me. In fact, I wouldn’t call what he was doing ‘looking’ at all. He was glaring down at the phone in my hand with such vehemence that I legitimately wondered if he might light the device on fire with nothing but the flames of his eyes. He looked furious, and it instantly had me backtracking.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have tried to answer my phone while you were talking, that was rude of me.”
I chewed the inside of my cheek, trying to come up with something to say or do that would ease the sudden tension between us. I wasn’t sure when my mind had decided to consider this man my friend, but it had.
He raised his eyes to mine slowly, reluctantly, like he feared my phone might leap up and stab me in the chest if he removed his gaze from it. He exhaled through his nose, squeezing the fleece blanket between his hands like he wished it was someone’s neck.
I frowned down at the helpless fabric. Was he angry that I’d cut him off to pick up my phone, or because of who’d been calling? It couldn’t have been the latter. Even if he saw the contact, it wasn’t a name. And why would he care anyway?
Feeling confused, I mumbled, “All right, well, I should go back inside. I’m surprised they haven’t come looking for me yet.” I gave him a small smile, the pressure in my chest lessening when his face relaxed minutely.
“Would you…” I hesitated, unsure if it was okay to invite him inside. Besides Nate, whom I’d never seen outside of work, I hadn’t had a male friend since high school. I didn’t have experience with where the lines were in a male-female friendship.