“Let me hear you,” he begs, so I make my cries even louder, practically screaming against the wood of my desk.
There is nothing but ecstasy between us, our bodies meeting in perfect harmony as we come together. My walls pulse around him as he tremors inside me.
Somewhere during the recovery of my climax, I want to tell him how I feel. I want to utter those three words so he knows. This isn’t an experiment to me. It’s not about control or dominance. It’s real. It’s love. But the fear holds me back.
What if this intensity between us is different for him? What if the connection I think I feel is just about sex to him? He agreed to come to Phoenix, but that was during the high of his aftercare. At some point, we need to have a serious conversation about this, but I admit, I’m too afraid. If there is any risk of losing him, I’m not willing to take it.
Rule #31: Punishment won’t clear your conscience, but an apology might.
Beau
There are a few things I expected to do on the day my ex-girlfriend marries my dad. Drink heavily. Cuss some people out. Get stoned out of my mind and post those nude photos of her I still have on my phone.
The old me might have done all three.
What I did not see coming is this—sitting outside her house, in my car, at nine in the morning, psyching myself up to go in there and say what I need to say. But it’s hard to do the things you know are going to suck hard, even if you know you’ll feel better afterward.
And no amount of crop smacks or vibrating butt plugs are going to punish me enough to undo everything I’ve done. How’s that for self-reflection? Who even am I anymore?
Since I can’t put this shit off anymore, I jump out of the car and march up the walkway to her house. Before shoving my hands in my pockets, I quickly rap on the front door. I hear voices on the other side, and a moment later, it opens to reveal Sophie with a face full of makeup.
“What are you doing here?” she snaps playfully.
“Thanks, kid. I’m here to talk to your sister. Is she around?”
She squints at me. “Of course, she is. But you’re aware it’s her wedding day, right?” she asks like an adorable little guard dog.
With a smile, I reply, “I come in peace.”
“All right, fine,” she says, slowly opening the door. “She’s in the living room, getting her hair done.”
“Thanks,” I mutter as I slide past. “You look pretty, by the way,” I add, catching the blushing smile on her face before I disappear into the house.
The living room is buzzing with excitement, and I almost back out. I might be here to do a good thing, but I’m a little worried at the moment that I’m still bringing down the mood by just being here.
Everyone quiets down as my presence is made known with the clearing of my throat. Charlie’s mom, Gwen, is the first to talk.
“Hey, Beau…everything okay?”
“Yep,” I reply with a tense smile. “I just…came to talk to Charlie for a second. If that’s okay.”
“Now?” Charlie asks. Like Sophie, her face is already covered in makeup. There’s a woman standing behind her, curling her hair with a round iron. She gives it a quick douse of spray before backing away.
“It’ll only take a minute,” I reply.
Her face softens before she turns to her mother. “We’ll step out back for a second. Is that okay?”
“Of course,” Gwen answers. “We’ll go have another round of mimosas in the kitchen.” I smile at the women as they pass by me. Then I follow Charlie out to the back patio.
Standing by the pool, I gaze out at the pool house where she used to live. I can’t imagine she goes in there much anymore since she moved in with my dad, but that pool house still holds a lot of memories for me. Trying to get her back when I was at my lowest. Watching her asshole of a dad berate her and Sophie when he found out about the club. And seeing my dad come to the rescue, remembering how everything changed for me that day.