When I look up at him, those kind, dark brown eyes gazing back at me, I want to hug him.
“Thank you,” I mumble, hoping it conveys just how much I appreciate this. Someone who stepped up when no one else I knew was around. If it had been any other night, I would have been swarmed by friends at the club to help me, but I had to bring Beau tonight.
Shame engulfs me as I realize just how wrongly I’ve treated him this whole time. Keeping him like a dirty secret, too ashamed to own up to my own actions. Too afraid of facing confrontation and proudly proclaiming Beau as mine, like I should have so many times. I smuggled him into the club and put him in danger.
“Go, go,” Hank urges me on after I climb out of my car and swiftly lock it. Maybe later, when I’m not so fucked up by shock and shame, I’ll express just how much I appreciate him. But for now, I need to go to Beau.
When I bolt into the emergency room, I practically slam into the reception desk. The nurse stares up at me in a panic as I start spouting off demands like I’m her boss.
“The ambulance brought my friend in. He was hit over the head. I need to know how he is. I need to go up there now.”
“Ma’am,” she replies in a voice a little too sweet for how harshly I’m speaking to her.
“Don’t ma’am me!” I shout.
“You’ll have to calm down. Give me your friend’s name.”
“Beau Grant,” I say loudly. My head turns toward the full waiting room as I realize everyone heard me. Of course, I don’t know anyone here, but still. It’s strange to say his name out loud like that without cowering in embarrassment.
The nurse types on her computer for a moment, and I’m trying to read her face like we’re in a poker game. When her eyes widen just slightly, I almost snatch the computer off the desk to see for myself.
“He’s been admitted. They still have him in the ER. Have a seat, and I’ll have them check in with you. Are you family?”
“He’s mine,” I snap in a rush, and her brow furrows in response.
“He’s yours?”
“My boyfriend,” I add, squaring my shoulders as I proudly proclaim it.
“Okay, well, if he has any family to contact, you might want to do that. As soon as we have any answers, we’ll let you know. Please have a seat.”
Have a seat? Impossible.
Leaning forward, I’m about ready to drop to my knees and beg. For him, I would. I’d crawl all the way across the California coastline if I had to. I just can’t…have a seat.
“Please,” I whisper, hoping she has the slightest amount of pity in her tonight. “Can you at least tell me if he’s okay?”
I fold my hands together, leaning hard against the counter. “Please.” The word is heavy on my tongue. “I’m desperate. If you’ve ever loved anyone, I’m begging you to please, please help me.”
Her head tilts to the side as she lets out a sigh.
“They brought him in fifteen minutes ago. There’s no update in the system, but I’ll poke around to see what I can find out, but no promises.” She adds that last part with a sternness as if to indicate she’s not showing me too much mercy.
“Thank you,” I reply, grabbing her hand on the counter and giving it a tight squeeze.
“You’re welcome.” As she gets up from the desk, I stand there like a statue.
I know what I need to do now, but there’s not a bone in my body that wants to pick up my phone.
Shakily, I walk outside, standing just near the doors as I hold my phone in my hands. As I think about Beau, I try to muster all of the courage and strength he’s shown me in the last two months. The things he’s had to face about himself and the guts it took to make those changes within himself were far scarier than what I’m about to do.