“Mom.”
“What?”
“I’m just saying we should get to pick which one we open,” Parker said. “Instead of having it always be pajamas.”
“Who says it’s going to be pajamas?”
Parker groaned. “It’s been pajamas for the past eighteen years. I’ve caught on.”
Cassie appeared then, coming to sit beside Parker at the kitchen island. She reached straight for the mashed potatoes.
“I always get to open one present on Christmas Eve,” Parker explained. “And it’s always pajamas.”
“Oh no, that sounds terrible,” Cassie said, scooping potatoes onto her plate. “A new pair of comfy PJs every year. How awful.”
“Thank you,” Erin said. “See, Parker, some people know how to be grateful.”
Parker rolled her eyes. Cassie rolled her eyes right back. She didn’t look at Erin.
Erin couldn’t help but look at her, though. She hadn’t seen Cassie since the conversation with Adam, which still made Erin’s hands want to ball into fists. Cassie was quiet—they all were, like the party had taken their socializing energy for the day. But even Cassie’s hair seemed flat, the normally rosy glow of her cheeks dampened.
After eating, they moved to the living room for the present opening. Parker grabbed the two presents wrapped in purple tissue paper from under the tree. She clambered onto the couch beside Cassie and held one out to her.
Cassie just looked at her.
“Take your present,” Parker said.
Cassie kept looking at Parker, then turned her head to look at Erin.
“I get one, too?” There was the slightest hint of wonder in Cassie’s voice.
“Duh.” Parker acted like this wasn’t a special moment, but it felt like something to Erin.
Cassie took the present.
It was pajamas, of course. Erin had gotten Cassie dark gray flannel pants with little stars all over them and a midnight blue top; Parker’s set was light blue. Parker insisted they put them on immediately, which Cassie made fun of her for—“You know, for someone who was complaining about pajamas, you’re pretty excited right now.” “They’re just so soft!”—and took selfies to send Acacia. Cassie made a different ridiculous face for each picture, no matter how many times Parker told her to quit it.
Erin wondered if the smile on her face looked as soft as she felt.
Some days her life was a thundercloud following her around—all of her mistakes, every moment wasted on something she didn’t actually want, the way she still cared too much about her mom’s disapproving voice even though it no longer existed anywhere but in the back of her mind. But some days—this day—everything was blue sky. Like there were wings on her shoulders instead of the weight of the world.
As lovely as the evening was, Erin didn’t want the day to end without addressing the worst part of it. Cassie’s door was open after she’d brushed her teeth, but Erin knocked on the door jamb anyway. Cassie looked up and gave her a grin.
“I just wanted to say good night,” Erin said.
“Good night, Erin. Thanks for the pajamas.”
“Of course.”
She took a step into the room. Broke eye contact. She was being awkward. This didn’t need to be a big deal. There was no reason for her heart to be in her throat.
“I’m sorry. About earlier. About Adam. He can be…” She trailed off and looked at Cassie. “I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, it’s fine.”
Erin took a step closer. “It’s not.”
She wanted to fix this, to make it better, somehow. Like she could fix misogyny. Cassie made things so much better for her, yesterday, and she wanted to return the favor.
“Don’t worry about it,” Cassie said, like it didn’t matter. “Thanks for … you know. Calling him out.”
She’d heard, then. Erin should have been harder on him. Should have called him a dick.
She should not have taken another step toward Cassie, who was looking at the ground now. When her eyes came back to Erin’s, her intake of breath wasn’t quite a gasp, but it turned into one when Erin leaned in and kissed her.
Parker was in the bathroom down the hall and the door to the guest room was open, and Erin was an idiot, she knew she was an idiot, but she was kissing Cassie anyway. She bit at her mouth and tugged her closer by the hips and Cassie moaned. Erin wanted to moan back. She wanted to be loud. She wanted to press closer to Cassie, wanted inside her. Cassie’s hands slipped under Erin’s shirt and Erin nodded and bit down. Cassie’s fingernails dug in. Erin pushed her leg hard between Cassie’s, and Cassie sighed like that was what she’d been waiting for and ground down and—