Kira had been silent for the past several minutes. She took her phone out and checked the time. “Guys, I’m sorry but I need to go. I have so much to do at home, and I have to feed Caleb soon.” Caleb was dozing soundly in his stroller, now cocooned in a fleece blanket, having literally just been removed moments ago, unconscious, from Kira’s boob. God knows I was no expert, but it seemed his next feed should be at least a couple of hours from now.
“Wait—before you go.” Vanessa cleared her throat. “I know this is super weird timing, with everything going on, and crazy last minute, too, but a partner in my dermatology practice offered to let me use his Montauk house this week. His son made soccer playoffs here in the city so they can’t go, but the house is apparently all stocked and clean and ready to be enjoyed. It’s a really big house. He told me to invite anyone I wanted. I have the rest of the week off—part of my efforts to ‘ease back in’—which is why he offered it to me. Anyway, I was wondering if you guys would want to go tomorrow, just for the night, no babies? I think we could all really use a night away. It could be super relaxing—just us, the ocean, plenty of wine. It might help us take our minds off things. What do you think?” She glanced around at each of us, again trying to assess our reaction, the same way she’d done when she told us about Isabel’s rings minutes before.
The idea of being at someone’s beach mansion was, on the one hand, extremely appealing, but it did feel odd to be treating ourselves to a girls’ getaway when someone in our group was probably at the bottom of the Hudson. Then again, Vanessa had been closest with her, so if she felt it was okay, I should probably defer to her judgment. The even bigger issue for me, though, was whether I could really leave Clara for the night. I wasn’t sure if I was ready. And I wasn’t sure if Tim was ready—if he was even available. Asking him to take a day off from work at the last minute was a big request.
“That sounds amazing,” Selena said. “I’ll see how Cameron feels about it. He actually just started his paternity leave; we wanted to overlap for a bit. So this could be good timing.” I was a bit surprised by her positive response, given what she’d said about all of us when she’d been at my apartment. But she had said she hadn’t meant it—maybe she really hadn’t and this was her way of showing me.
“That would be incredible,” I found myself saying. “I’m not sure if I can swing it, but I’ll definitely discuss it with Tim. Thanks for the invite.” I was surprised that a big part of me actually did want to go. And was it such a huge thing? We’d successfully left Clara with a babysitter last night; this could be just like that, but for a little longer. Besides, being away from Clara might be less daunting if I were in the company of women who knew exactly how it felt to be separated from their babies for the first time. We could talk each other off our respective ledges. Still, I knew better than to get my hopes up. I kept coming back to how unlikely it would be that Tim would be available, especially on such short notice.
“I won’t be able to go,” Kira said glumly. “Jack’s just getting back from a work trip tomorrow morning, so it’d be a bit too chaotic. Besides, he’s changed, like, four diapers. I can’t even imagine how many questions he’d be texting me if I left him with the baby for a whole night.” She’d begun hurriedly packing up Caleb’s things. “If you do go, though, please drink seven bottles of wine for me,” she added. “My FOMO will be raging.”
“What about your mom?” Vanessa suggested suddenly. “Didn’t your parents move to the city to be closer to you and the baby?” Though she was only being helpful, it seemed a significant breach of her usual perfect etiquette.
Kira looked at her, surprised, too. “I’ll think about it and check. Thank you for inviting us. It does sound great,” she said, softening slightly.
“Okay, well, keep me posted. And I hope everyone gets some sleep tonight. Text the group later.” Vanessa started tying her Boba wrap back on, apparently adjourning the meeting. We hadn’t even discussed anything baby related that day. Perhaps this was another sign that we really were ready for some moms-only time at the beach. It sounded too good to be true.
July 9
Dear Baby,
Well, we’ve survived our first few weeks together! （Barely, it sometimes feels like. But here we are.）
I have to be honest with you （as always）—I fear I’m not too good at this. This whole mom thing. Maybe I’ll be better when you’re older—I think I’ll be a great toddler mom, or teenager mom. I’ll be fun and energetic and creative and real with you. I’ll always treat you like the full human that you are. But right now—well, I’m failing and flailing all over the place, it seems.