The three of us were silent. Isabel smiled at us earnestly. “I really hope you’ll get on board. And look, you don’t have to decide right this second. I know it’s a lot to take in. Take some time to talk it over among yourselves. In fact, you can go down to the hot tub right now if you want to relax a bit while you discuss it.”
Relax. Yeah, right.
“And if we decide not to?” Kira pressed.
Isabel’s eyes clouded over. “Then I’ll need a new plan to get out of my marriage. But I just can’t promise the new plan will protect you as well as this one does.” There it was. And I knew that, with the information she had on us, she had the power to forever fracture our lives as we knew them.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Thursday, October 8
A few minutes later, Selena, Kira, and I were walking across the dark lawn in our bathing suits toward a steamy, bubbling jacuzzi that was big enough for twelve people. It was painfully hot, simultaneously punishing and cleansing, like the shower I’d taken after my encounter with Connor. We turned the jets all the way up and climbed in, hoping that the noise would steal our words from ears that might be prying. Of course, we brought our glasses of wine, which we carefully placed on the hot tub’s edge.
A lot of air needed to be cleared before we could even discuss Isabel’s proposition for us. Or demand. I still couldn’t determine which it was. “Jenn, I confided in you,” Kira whispered. “Why didn’t you tell me that you had been with him, too? What the hell? You honestly didn’t remember?”
“I truly didn’t. I was so drunk when it happened. And I’ve been so sleep deprived. My brain hasn’t been working since Clara was born, and this happened not even a couple of months ago. I honestly didn’t remember his face when I met him. I didn’t know it was Connor that night. I would have told you.” I think. “I’m so sorry.”
“It happened with him that soon after having Clara?” Kira added. “My God. I barely wanted to poop after having Caleb, let alone—sorry, it’s just—wow. How did—how did that happen?” Selena, too, was looking at me wide eyed.
My eyes welled with tears, and I was almost unable to respond. “You know what it was like with Connor—it was just as you described, Kira. Not what I had in mind. It wasn’t like I made the choice to sleep with him. God no. I was drunk, and it all happened so quickly—it’s so hard to explain. And once it got past a certain point, it was too late to undo it. Or at least, it felt too late.” I took a deep breath. “Also—I didn’t tell you this, but my mom died a few months before Clara was born. I’d been—I still am in a bad place. And things with the baby have been so hard . . . I wanted some kind of an escape that night, which is why I was out drinking alone, but I certainly didn’t want . . . that.”
“I’m so sorry about your mom,” Selena said. “I wish we’d known.”
“Dude, why didn’t you tell us? That’s terrible,” Kira said, squeezing my hand under the water.
“Just not ready, I guess,” I said. “I wish I had.” I really did. I already felt so much better, more supported, now that they knew. I was hoping the moisture on my face from the jacuzzi was hiding my tears.
Kira spoke again. “And Selena—you too? When did it happen? And when did you find out that he was married to Isabel?”
“Isabel had me over back when the group first started meeting, and I saw his picture in her house.” She drew up short, brought the fingertips of one hand to her lips.
“What?” I asked.
She slowly shook her head. “It’s just now, it occurs to me that she probably wanted me to see the picture, to see what I would do—she was probably studying my reaction to make sure I remembered him.” She closed her eyes, then opened them and looked back and forth between us. “God, I wish I’d just come clean then. Maybe none of this would have happened if she’d had more people willing to be honest with her and stick up for her earlier on.
“I was sick to my stomach when I recognized him.” She shuddered, remembering, and then downed a gulp of her wine. “But I didn’t say anything to her, when I realized. I didn’t want the situation to explode. I was scared that she’d be furious with me, or not believe me, and retaliate by telling Cameron. Or that she’d confront Connor and he’d find me—and of course, the last thing I wanted was any further interaction with him, ever. I didn’t want to jeopardize my marriage, my reputation by opening this can of worms. So instead I just kept it cordial but distant with her. And then when she disappeared”—she paused and looked at me—“I wanted nothing to do with any of it. As you know, Jenn. That’s why I got so . . . heated when you asked me to nose around with you. When you were so insistent that we should be doing something. Because I really didn’t want to do the one thing that I knew I probably should.”