“Oh, I will,” I said without looking back. “Just as soon as I’m floor-licking drunk.”
Olivia
I opened the magazine and flipped to my column, Oh, Olivia!, totally geeked out to see my headshot and my words on the slick, glossy pages. Who would’ve ever thought I’d be writing an advice column? I started reading, even though I already knew every word.
Dear Oh, Olivia!
I walked in on my boyfriend with another girl, but he says he’s sorry and won’t stop begging me to come back. We were technically “on a break” that weekend after a fight, so in a way it wasn’t cheating.
I want to get over it and get back together because I do love him, but every time I look at his face, I’m triggered and have a flashback of the awful sex-face he was making when I walked in on them. Totally brings on the ick factor and I find him repulsive.
How do I forget that face? Help!
Oh-no-that-O-face
Athens, GA
Dear Oh-no-that-O-face,
Take it from a girl who once walked in on her boyfriend eating cake off his side piece’s incredibly flat stomach; the ick factor isn’t going away anytime soon. ICK! You can’t unsee that I’m-about-to-orgasm nose flare and heavy-lidded gaze any more than I could unsee my man’s tongue lifting frosting out of her belly button.
So, so ick.
Now, my story was a little different from yours because instead of begging me to forgive him, my boyfriend actually thanked me for introducing him to the love of his life. I won’t tell you where his body is buried, but just know that I eat cake there sometimes when the weather’s just right.
Seriously, though, the thing that matters is how YOU feel about him. If you genuinely love the man and want a future with him, I suggest therapy. I’m sure if you talked this through with a professional, you could eventually forget that gaping I’m-almost-there expression and have a happy life together. Check it out, and good luck, Miss O!
Love,
Olivia
It made me happy. Writing was the only thing that made me happy anymore, because it was the only thing that distracted me from thinking of him. I’d written more since that horrible morning than I had my entire life, because the minute I stopped typing, that jerk came into my head.
I’d never thought my heart could hurt more than it had with Eli. I’d been blindsided by his betrayal, absolutely shocked that he and I hadn’t been on the same page. But after the breakup, I’d been able to see the cracks. We’d been living two separate-but-parallel lives for a pretty long time, and I’d been blind to it.
Colin, on the other hand . . . everything had been movie perfect. I hadn’t wanted it to be, but our relationship had been better than everything I’d ever daydreamed about.
But now it was tainted.
I’d never know if any of those seemingly perfect moments were genuine, or if they’d been the result of his manipulation of what I’d shared with him via Wrong Number.
And that just sucked.
Colin
“Here’s your key, man.” Jack handed me his copy and looked around my condo. It looked exactly the same, of course, because he’d contributed nothing to the decor except his shit in the guest room, but it was weird that he was leaving after being my roommate for so long.
He’d decided to move in with Vanessa, which was probably best for both of us. I would have my place to myself, and he would have a shot at a happily ever after. I’d rather die than have my dad discover I no longer had a roommate, but since he hadn’t spoken to me since our dinner, odds were good that he wouldn’t find out for a while. I took the key and said, “Thanks.”
“If you ever need a place to stay, y’know, feel free to shoot me a text.” He grinned and put his hands in his pockets, and I noticed for the first time that he and Olivia did the same nose-crinkle thing when they smiled. “Although I guess I don’t have an air mattress anymore. Stupid sisters ruin everything.”
When Jack asked me what’d happened with Olivia after a night when I’d gotten way too hammered, I figured the least I could do was let her tell him. That way, she could throw it whatever way she wanted.
I’d said, “Livvie should be the one to tell you,” and then I think I’d actually hiccuped.
I’d expected him to kick my ass for hurting her, but he had hugged me, instead. My patheticness must’ve been crystal clear on my face because he’d said, “Fuck, man,” and swallowed me in a bear hug.
Thank God I had Jack. If I’d lost them both, it would’ve been too much. I said, “So it’ll be BYOAM?”