The breath he lets out sounds like steam escaping. A moment passes. “Are you in trouble or something?”
My haggard appearance reflects back at me from the mirror above the dresser. “In a manner of speaking, yeah.”
“Spit it out, Myles. I’m not a mind reader.”
“You know what?” I pull the phone away from my ear, ready to end the call. “Forget it.”
“No!” He clears his throat. “No…hold up. I’m listening. You called me in the middle of the Sox game. What did you expect?”
Nostalgia settles over me. The smell of hot dogs and beer. Blocking the summer sun with my hand so I can see the field. Kevin smacking me in the shoulder after a big play. I miss those afternoons with my brother. I don’t think I realized how much until I watched Taylor with Jude. “You’re at the game?”
He sniffs. “Of course I am. You think I gave up our season tickets just because you’re not around to chip in anymore?”
“Damn.” I let out a low whistle. “I guess I owe you some cash.”
“Come home and we’ll call it even.”
The crowd cheers, the announcer’s excited voice narrating a player’s journey to the batter’s box. Going back to Boston has been out of the question for three years, but right now…it feels possible. Everything seems possible after watching Taylor burn rubber and skid sideways in front of the mayor’s car like a stunt driver. After having that incredible woman run to me, let me hold her, nothing in this world seems impossible.
I’m not going to disintegrate walking into my brother’s or parents’ home. They want me there, despite this failure I’m carrying around my neck like an albatross. Seeing Taylor with Jude made me think of my own family throughout the week. What I’m missing. How they would act on a snorkeling trip. Probably ridiculing the size of my feet. Or my parents and I would gang up on Kevin, claiming to have seen a shark. The typical asshole behavior I grew up with and shaped me and it’s not perfect, but it’s ours.
I’m not perfect…but I’m still theirs.
I could have been hers. She told me she could easily love me. That must mean I’m not beyond saving, right?
Maybe it’s time to believe my family when they say they still want me around.
That I’m…worth having around.
“I’m in Massachusetts. Cape Cod, actually. I could…swing by.”
My brother says nothing for long moments. “Really.”
“Yeah. For a visit or whatever. I could do that.”
“Last time we spoke, you told me you’d come back to Boston when hell froze over. What changed?”
“I, uh…I don’t know.” My chest winds up like a clock. “I met this woman.”
“Oh. Shit.” There’s a smile in his voice. “I didn’t see that coming.”
“You and me both.”
“You’re the guy who always said women are a hassle, right?”
“That was me,” I sigh, massaging my eye sockets.
“Just making sure.” He chuckles. “What’s the problem? Bring her with you for this visit.”
“Seeing as how we just broke up, that’s going to be hard. I mean…” I stand up and start to pace from one end of the motel room to the other. “We weren’t even technically dating. She was a suspect on a case I’m working on as a favor. It’s a long story. Bottom line is, she got sick of my shit and…you know. It’s for the best.”
“Yeah. Sounds like it’s for the best. You’re on the verge of tears.”
“The fuck I am.”
I might actually be pretty close to crying.
“Whatever your version of tears is, you’re verging there.”
Rolling my eyes, I cross back to the other side of the room. “This is what I get for calling you for advice, I guess.”
“Advice? On women? Did you forget I’m married to a fellow ball scratcher?”
“No.” I plow a hand through my hair. “How is he, anyway?”
“Fine.” The way his voice shifts, I know his husband is sitting next to him. “Still sneaking protein powder into everything I eat and wearing running shorts literally everywhere we go.” He pauses. “What’s your girl like?”
An image of her rises in my mind, the way she looked on day one. In a bikini top and shorts, no shoes, sun kissed and sweet and secretly wanting rough sex. Basically a miracle on two shapely legs, dropped into my lap from heaven. “She’s a second grade private school teacher from Connecticut. She’s…well.” The lump in my throat expands. “Beautiful is an understatement. She’s a planner. A caretaker. Always making sure everyone eats and has enough coffee. Smart as hell. Brave. She also cries a lot, but in a way that, I don’t know…it’s just fucking cute, all right? She’s stubborn and mischievous.” I turn and bang my head against the wall, which shakes loose the part I didn’t mean to say out loud. “She blows my mind in bed.”