I have to stop him.
Luke squeezes my shoulders, pulling me closer to his warm body. I try to banish thoughts of EJ from my head and enjoy lying next to Luke. I cleared out a drawer for him a few days ago, and as he filled it with his clothing, the thought occurred to me that it might not be so bad if he were living with me. It would be nice to have him around all the time.
Not now. But maybe someday.
“That portrait of you is so great,” he comments. “It looks just like you.”
It was funny the way Luke’s mouth dropped open when he saw the almost comically large portrait of me that I hung over the mantle. I hung it there partially to make him laugh. But I also did it for my patient. Her traumatic experience formed the crux of my newest book. She’s made a lot of progress with me, and I suspect we will conclude our sessions soon.
“You don’t think it’s too gigantic?” I ask.
“No way!” He squeezes me again. “It’s larger than life. Like you.”
“I’m glad you like it.”
“I love it.” His lips press against my forehead as he holds me close to his body. “And also, I love… you.”
There it is. The three words we’ve both been skirting around for the last several weeks. He finally cracked and said it like I knew he would. I’ve heard those words said to me several times before, but this time I do something completely unexpected and inappropriate and unlike me.
I burst into tears.
Luke is shaken by my reaction. He pulls away from me, struggling to sit up in my king-sized bed. “Hey,” he says. “Hey. Don’t cry.”
“I’m not crying,” I say pointlessly, as I swipe a hand over my leaky eyes. “I’m fine.”
“I didn’t say it because…” He grabs my hand. “Look, Adrienne, I didn’t say it to upset you. You don’t have to say it back. I was just feeling it right then, so I said it. And I’m not sorry I did, but it doesn’t change anything. I just… I wanted you to know. But I’m not hurt if you don’t say it back. I promise.”
He’s so good. He’s so sweet. I wish I could be happy with him. I wish my life weren’t so complicated.
“I’m not crying because of… of that.” I wipe my nose with the back of my hand, wishing I had a tissue. And then, magically, Luke produces a tissue for me, which I accept gratefully. “It’s something else. I have a problem. It has nothing to do with you.”
“The intimacy issue?”
I look up sharply. “No. Not that kind of problem.”
He rubs his jaw. He shaves every morning now because he knows I like him better that way, but it’s almost bedtime and he has a rough stubble on his chin. “Okay, I’m sorry. I just… what kind of problem?”
“I… I’m being blackmailed. By a patient.”
Luke’s jaw goes slack. He looks even more stunned than he was by the giant portrait over the mantle. “Blackmailed?”
I nod.
“Jesus Christ.” He shakes his head. “Is this that guy who has been showing up in the middle of the night and texting you all the time?”
I nod again.
He rakes a shaky hand through his short hair. “Jesus,” he says again. “I can’t believe that… What is he blackmailing you over?”
“He has a video of me. It could wreck my career.”
His eyes widen. “A video?”
“It’s not sexual,” I say, before he can let his imagination run wild. “But it’s something I’m not proud of.”
“It’s really that bad?”
I swallow. “Yes. It is. And he’s holding it over me. There’s nothing I can do about it. Unless…”
“Unless what?”
“Well…” My palms feel sweaty. I wipe them on the blanket next to me. “You said when you were in high school, you used to be pretty good at hacking into computers, right?”
Luke is silent for a moment as he narrows his eyes at me. “Yes…”
“Maybe you could find the video for me and… delete it.”
He pulls away from me, his eyes still wary. “I can’t do that.”
“Why not? You said you know how.”
“It’s not that simple. I can’t just hack into some random guy’s home computer and delete a video. Maybe if I were in his house…”
“And what if I could get you into his house?”
He inhales sharply. “Adrienne, what’s on that video?”