He made his way down the hall to the bathroom and leaned against the opposite wall, waiting for Noel to come out. When she finally did, he wasn’t surprised to find her eyes red and teary.
“It’s a compliment, you know. She loves you.”
“I know,” she said, wiping at her tear stained cheeks. “I love everyone in your family. I just don’t like feeling as though I’m replacing my parents.”
Nick pulled her into his arms and held her close. “You’re not and no one would ever think that.”
Noel returned his embrace, sniffling against his chest. “I feel that way.”
He squeezed a little tighter. “I understand, but please know, my parents and sisters aren’t trying to make you forget your parents.”
“No, I do that all on my own because it hurts too much to think of them.”
“If you feel that way, then why are you doing the Christmas concert?”
“I didn’t want to disappoint your mom. Plus, it’s been ten years…a concert shouldn’t render me catatonic, right?”
Nick hesitated, putting himself in Noel’s shoes. Would he be over losing his parents at sixteen? Just imagining it hurt, but the reality of it would be devastating.
“I don’t know. I’m not you, so I can’t tell you how to feel.”
“I feel…so lost sometimes, you know?” Her teary eyes lifted to meet his. “I threw myself into the army, then college, and work…kept busy so I wouldn’t have to think about them. Miss them. I don’t fall in love, because every new person I invite into my life reminds me of the empty places they left behind in my heart.” Noel hugged him harder, burying her face in his shirt again so her voice came out muffled. “God, I don’t know what is wrong with me. This is the second time I’ve gotten weepy in the last week.”
“Noel, I don’t want to upset you, but I’m worried.”
“About me? Why?”
“Your barren apartment, for one thing. There isn’t a trace of your parents anywhere. I know you went through grief your own way when they died, but maybe you should talk to someone.”
Noel pushed back a bit, frowning at him. “Your mom made me go to a therapist, Nick. Remember? Standing appointment every Wednesday until I left for basic.”
“I’m saying maybe it would help to go as an adult. You shouldn’t cut yourself off from your past or limit your future.”
“I keep you around, don’t I? You’re a part of my past. Your family is my past. Pike and Anthony. Gabby. Just because I don’t want reminders of my parents around my apartment doesn’t mean I didn’t grieve them or move on. I just did it my own way.”
“All right, I’m sorry. I won’t bring it up again.”
Noel relaxed against him and he breathed a sigh of relief. Talking about her parents tended to be tricky and the last thing he wanted to do was upset her when they were on such unstable ground.
“It’s okay. I appreciate you care. I worry about you too. I’m really glad you aren’t going back overseas. You have no idea how scared I was every time your mom called or I didn’t hear from you.”
He held her a little tighter. “I’m sorry you were worried about me.”
Noel shrugged. “We both had our reasons for going in. I know it was your job. That you needed to stay in longer. I wanted to be supportive, but I am not gonna lie. I’m happy you’re staying put.”
Nick brushed his lips against her temple. “Thank you. I know my mom didn’t want me reenlisting, but like you said, I needed to do it. Plus, it paid for my education and now I have a great job where I can stay here most of the time and be with my family. I’m lucky.” Nick made a face. “Even though my mother roped me into playing guitar for the Christmas concert.”
Noel pulled away, wide-eyed. “But you hate performing in public.”
“Yeah, but when my mom asks for a favor…let’s just say the mom guilt was heavy with this one.”
Noel laughed. “Oh yeah, Victoria can lay it on thick without you even realizing what’s happening. Then she’s got you hooked.”
“So, no issues with me being in the band then?”
“Not at all. I’ll feel better having you up there with me.”
Her words sent a jolt through him and he took a deep breath, burying his face in the crook of her neck. Her breath rushed out, rustling along his skin.
“Nick…”
“Yeah?”