Even if she found someone to love, she couldn’t imagine getting married without them. Of having children. Finding happiness only to lose it?
Life gave out no guarantees. She knew that better than anyone.
“Maybe I’m just not the girl with the white picket fence and the happily ever after.”
“You really don’t want to have a family one day?”
Noel wished she could tell Gabby to drop it without hurting her friend’s feelings, but maybe if she was clear, Gabby wouldn’t bring it up again.
“I had a family and they died. I spend half my time delivering babies and being there for the good and the bad. When people lose spouses and children, it’s like watching a part of their soul die. I think…if I let myself fall like that…it would destroy what was left of me.”
Gabby reached across the seat and squeezed her hand. “I know how hard it was losing your parents, but love and loss are a part of life. You already love me. Nick. The Winterses. If we die, you’ll still get hurt, but that doesn’t stop you from being there for us.”
“I don’t know how to explain it. Losing my parents, I’m prepared for loss but I don’t want to take on anyone else. I don’t want my feelings for anyone to grow. And then when they’re gone, I have another hole in my heart.” Trying to lighten the mood, she added, “Besides, many people go through life without love. Jane Austen wrote amazing books about love and remained unmarried.”
“Are you comparing yourself to one of the most celebrated writers of all time?”
“No, I am simply saying that a woman can find fulfillment without walking down the aisle.”
Gabby parked the car. “Well, I personally, cannot wait to see Drew standing at the altar. He is going to look so hot in his tux. I’ll be counting down the minutes, but once I get him into the honeymoon suite, roar!”
“TMI, babe.” Noel kissed Gabby’s cheek. “I am so happy for you. You are going to be the most beautiful bride.”
“Heck yeah I am. Now, let’s get you coffee and shop till we drop!”
Noel climbed out and followed Gabby into the coffee shop. The lunch rush was winding down and only a few people were inside sipping their drinks. Scrolling through their phone or tapping away at a laptop. Gabby picked out two cute travel mugs, one in a camo design and the other blue with pink flowers. Both had the shape of Idaho on them. She set them on the counter next to the register, smiling at the barista, Jenny Guthrie.
“Boom. Sup, Jenny.”
Jenny laughed, tucking a strand of dark hair behind her ear. “Not much. What are you guys up to?”
“Just a little Christmas shopping. These plus a bag of your breakfast blend, a skinny vanilla latte, and whatever she wants,” Gabby said, pointing at Noel.
While Jenny tapped into the computer, Noel pulled out a ten and shoved it into Gabby’s purse, ignoring her protests. “I’ll take an everything bagel with cream cheese and a black coffee with cream.”
Gabby shot her a disgusted look. “An everything bagel and no sugar in your coffee? Girl, you’re gonna have some nasty stank breath.”
Noel breathed in Gabby’s face and she pretended to faint. Jenny giggled.
“You two act like my sister and me. That will be thirty-eight dollars and sixty-five cents.”
Gabby handed Jenny her card and then looped one arm through Noel’s. “Close enough. She is my sister from another mister.”
Noel laughed, shaking her head. Jenny handed Gabby her card and bagged up the cups and coffee before walking away to help fill their order.
“So, I’m kind of glad you dragged me out today,” said Noel.
“I knew you would be.” Gabby held up her purchases proudly. “This takes care of my soon-to-be sister-in-law and her husband. Who is on your list?”
“You. Nick. I need two for him, since his birthday is Friday. I usually buy Pike and Anthony a little something. Victoria, Chris, Merry, and Holly. We do a Secret Santa at work, but other than that, I am good.”
Jenny called out their names for their coffee and bagel. Once they had their sustenance in hand, Noel held the door for Gabby as they passed through.
“Let’s go to A Store for All Seasons. I want to get a few ornaments for our tree. Maybe a cute wedding one.”
Noel’s cheeks flamed at the mention of Holly Winters’s store. Neither Winters sister had been shy about commenting on the chemistry between their elder brother and Noel during their duet on Saturday. Merry texted Noel after she left Saturday and ordered her to take the plunge with Nick. Holly wasn’t quite as forward, but she could only imagine what would come up in front of Gabby and then she’d get it from all directions.