His speech left her quaking, breathing harshly as he pulled her mouth to his, fingers tightening in her hair.
“Talk to me,” he whispered.
Her breathing came out in a trembling rush, the words tumbling from her lips like a land slide. “I’ve grown up too, but I’m afraid you don’t see all of me. I’m messed up, Nick.” Her voice broke a little at the admission, and he ran his thumb along her cheek, catching a tear on the end.
“I am twenty-six and I have never had a boyfriend. If a guy starts to show any sign of wanting more, I drop him. Like that.” She snapped her fingers. “I avoid spending time with your family because being in the room and watching so much love and joy rips into my soul. I hate feeling that way because I love your family, Nick. I love your dad, with his goofiness and warm heart. Merry, who is always stirring shit and has absolutely no filter, like me. Holly’s sweetness and the way she bawls during Prancer even though we watch it every year and she know how it ends. And your mom, Nick…your mom lets me pull away. She knows exactly what I’m doing, I know she does, and she never stops reaching out and inviting me and I love them all so much. I love them and I don’t know if they know how much—”
“Hey, hey, they know.” His voice was a rough whisper, warm against the skin of her neck. His hands dropped out of her hair and circled her waist, squeezing her against him. “They know you love them and that is why we’ll never give up on you. They’re your family, Noel. I’m your family. Even if we didn’t work out, none of us will shut you out, no matter how much distance you try to put between us.”
Noel’s forehead rested on his shoulder, tears slipping below her eyelids to fall against his bare skin. “But why? You just said it, I push people away. I’m stubborn. I can be such a bitch sometimes, I don’t know how you stand me.”
“Noel, you can frustrate the hell out of me. When you told me earlier you were going out with Trip, I wanted to ask you not to. To beg you to stay with me and tell him to fuck off.” He chuckled sheepishly. “I took my frustrations out on my stuff and now I need to buy new dishes.”
Noel choked on a laugh, and she sat up straight, her hands gripping his waist. Their lips so close their breathing mingled.
“If I ever needed you, though, I know you’d be there because you’ve done it before. I mean, it doesn’t happen often because I’m awesome”—she smacked his arm—“but you are the person I call when I have something to say. Good or bad, I want to share it with you. You make me smile when I want to scream and laugh when I want to cry. Like right now, if I walked out there and threw Trip off the balcony, I know you’d ask me which car are we taking and help me hide the body.”
Tears streamed down her face at his speech. She didn’t see herself as his happy place, not the way he was for her, but here he was, putting to bed so many reasons why she couldn’t risk falling for him.
Nick’s forehead rested on hers as he choked out, “Tell me you meant every word you said earlier. That you don’t want anything more with me but my friendship. Say no right now and I’ll let you go.”
In this moment, locked against Nick, anticipating his kiss, she couldn’t come up with a single reason why they wouldn’t work.
“Say it.”
“I can’t.”
Chapter 20
NICK
Nick’s grip slackened, disappointment coursing through his veins as her words hit him like a punch to the chest. Even after everything, being so close to carrying her down to his bedroom and making love to her, she still pulled away.
“I get it. We’ve been over all the reasons why we shouldn’t and I respect your decision.”
Nick tried to get up, but her arms held firm around his waist, pulling him closer as her lips pressed against his. He almost fell back in surprise.
She broke the kiss long enough to mumble, “I meant that I can’t give you a reason to stop. Not that I can’t be with you. I want you, Nick. Badly.”
The first glimpse of his family tree on Christmas morning. The exhilaration of winning a tough snowball fight. The sheer joy of stepping off that plane in Boise and knowing he was home for good.
All of them paled in comparison to this moment.
Nick groaned, his hands gripping her waist, his mouth open, devouring her passionately. Sucking her tongue and grinding against her. As awkward as a teenager, Nick’s hand roamed everywhere, eager, memorizing every curve. Their bodies rolled together, the friction driving him insane. He was drowning in Noel and he never wanted to come up for air.