Grace turned on the TV and climbed up onto the sofa to wait for her daddy. When Nana wasn’t looking, she sucked her thumb. She knew it was a babyish thing to do, but Nana made her nervous and sucking her thumb helped.
“Grace?” Nana said.
Grace pulled the thumb out of her mouth. “I wasn’t sucking my thumb. I was biting my fingernail. Is that bad, too?”
Nana frowned, and Grace felt her heart beat faster again, a sick feeling settled in her tummy.
Nana came closer. “There’s nothing wrong with sucking your thumb, Grace.”
Her voice was sweet and silky, like honey, and Grace felt herself starting to smile. “Really?”
“Maybe I should try it.”
Grace giggled. “It makes me feel better.”
“God knows that’s a good thing.”
“You said there was no God. That’s what you told Daddy when he wanted to go to the cemetery.”
Nana’s smile faded. “I’m going to make dinner now.”
Grace knew immediately that she’d done something bad again. She wanted to suck her thumb, but instead she dragged her blanket into her lap and sat there, watching Nana cook. No one said anything for the longest time. Grace kept looking down at her wrist mirror, whispering Ariel’s name, but her friend was gone.
For the next two hours it was just Grace and her grandmother, together in this small house, hardly ever talking.
Then, finally, Daddy was home. Grace heard his car drive up, saw the headlights flash light into the house. She jumped down from the sofa and ran for the front door.
“Daddy!” she yelled when he came into the house. He dropped his big backpack and scooped her into his arms. Just like that, her world righted itself.
He kissed her cheek. “How’s my girl?”
“I’m good, Daddy.”
He smiled at that, but she could see how tired he was. His eyelids were kind of saggy, and he’d forgotten to comb his hair again today.
“Hey, Mom,” he said. “Something smells good.”
Nana came into the room. She was wiping her hands on a towel, but that was stupid because she never made a mess or got dirty. “Meatloaf and au gratin potatoes. The salad is in the fridge.”
“You didn’t have to do that,” he said, starting to loosen his hold on Grace.
She clung to him like a cobweb. “I love you, Daddy,” she said.
“I love you, too, Princess.”
Nana came closer. She peered at Daddy, her pretty face turning into another frown. “You aren’t sleeping.”
“Finals,” he said.
Grace didn’t understand. Of course he wasn’t sleeping. He just got home. “Are we gonna play rodeo tonight, Daddy?” That was her favorite. She got to ride on his back while he bucked her high into the air.
“Maybe Grace should stay with us tonight,” Nana said.
Grace tightened her hold on her daddy. “I won’t bother you, Daddy. I promise. I’ll let you study.”
“Thanks, Mom,” Daddy said, “but we’re good.”
Nana gave him a long steady look, and then shrugged. “Okay. I’ll be here before eight to pick her up. Don’t stay up too late.”
Grace felt a rush of relief when Nana was gone. She didn’t quite know why, but her grandmother scared her. It was like playing with someone’s extraspecial toy, you were always afraid you were going to accidentally break it.
She looked at her daddy and saw how tired he was. She hated when he got quiet. “They made me the queen of kindergarten,” she said, hoping to make him proud.
“Even after you punched Austin?”
“No one likes him, Daddy. They were glad I punched him.”
“What is it, the Lord of the Flies day care?”
“Huh?”
He carried her over to the sofa and sat down. She snuggled up to him, resting against his chest. This was her favorite place in the whole world. The only time she ever felt safe was when he was holding her.
“Why did they make you queen?”
She scrunched her face in thought. Then she remembered Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Charlie got to be the winner cuz he was the nicest boy. “I saved Brittany from drowning. She went in too deep so I saved her.”
“Saved Brittany from drowning,” he said, staring down at her.
She felt her cheeks grow hot. How come lies just popped out of her mouth like little soap bubbles? She couldn’t help it. No wonder no one liked her.
Daddy touched her cheek. “You know, Grace, when I was a kid, I thought I had to do everything right. Go to the right school, get the right grades, follow the rules. I wanted to make my mom … and my sister … proud of me.” He looked away. For a long time, he was quiet, and the silence made her heart hurt. Had she said the wrong thing again? Finally he cleared his throat and said, “The point is: I’m proud of you just the way you are. I love you no matter what, Gracie. You can take that to the bank.”