Jude’s hands were trembling just a little, and if she were a woman who had to worry about her blood pressure, she would have worried now. She understood suddenly why so many of her friends had warned her about the stresses of senior year. It was only December, and already their lives felt out of kilter, as if the warm water that had always buoyed them up had abruptly begun to drain away. There was danger in shallow water, unseen shoals. Like love and parties and children who lied to you.
“I need to return that pink sweater,” Mia said at one point. “It’s way too big. I want to get something to wear to Timmy’s party on Saturday. You want to come to the mall with me, Mom?”
Jude looked up. “Timmy’s party?”
“It’s on Saturday, remember?” Mia said.
“You two are not going to a party on Saturday,” Jude said, stunned that they would even think to ask.
Zach looked up sharply. “You said we could go.”
“That was before you called me, drunk, at one-twenty to come pick you up.”
“You said we should call you,” Zach said. “I knew we’d get into trouble for it.”
“You let them go to a party?” her mother said, her carefully arched eyebrows raised. “With alcohol?”
Jude drew a deep breath and exhaled it to stay calm. The last thing she needed now was parenting advice from a woman who’d handled motherhood as if it were radioactive waste. “You did the right thing by calling. I’m glad you did. But you also got drunk, and that’s the wrong thing. We’ve talked about this.”
“We learned our lesson,” Zach said. “We won’t drink again. But—”
“No buts. This is the last week of winter break, and I want to spend it as a family. We’re going to Molly and Tim’s tomorrow, and your grandmother’s gallery is having a special show on Monday night. Ty and Lexi are welcome to come over as much as you want them to, but no party on Saturday.”
Zach started to come out of his chair. Miles put a hand on his son’s shoulder, guided him back down.
“I knew it,” Zach muttered, slumping into his seat, scowling.
Jude tried to find a smile again and couldn’t. Maybe God had designed senior year so that mothers like her could let their children leave home. If this kept up, it would be easier than she’d thought.
*
In January, on the last day of winter break, precipitation began as an icy, misting rain but quickly transformed into lacy white flakes that frosted fence posts and telephone wires. Soon, the roads were thick with new snow and red safety cones appeared at the bottom of steep hills. Kids bundled up and went out to sled on the barricaded hills; their moms stood by in groups, talking among themselves and taking pictures.
Lexi and Zach were at her house, snuggled up together in her twin bed. On her bedside table, a scented candle burned brightly, dispelling the slightly damp-smelling air that always came to the mobile home when the windows were shut.
“My aunt will be home soon.”
“Define soon.”
She grinned at him and smacked his arm, then rolled away and got out of bed. “You promised your mom you’d finish your college apps today, and she’s been so pissed off lately, I don’t want to make her mad again. So move it.” She got dressed and headed for the door. She meant to walk right out of her bedroom and go straight to the kitchen table, where the paperwork for college was arranged in neat piles.
At the last minute, she weakened and turned around.
He lay in her bed, naked, her tattered blue comforter across his hips, his bare feet stuck out from the end. His smile worked its magic; she moved toward him. When she got close, he reached up and curled his warm hand around the back of her neck, pulling her down for a kiss. Just before his lips touched hers, she heard him say, “I love you so much.” It took all her willpower not to crawl back in bed with him.
“You’re a sex maniac.”
“Takes one to know one.”
Something about his smile, or the green of his eyes and the love she saw, something caught her then. How could she let him go away to college? Just walk away from her?
“Come on. I want your mom to keep liking me, and I told her I would make sure you finished the USC app today. You know she’s going to check.”
“What if I just missed the deadline?” he said.
“You won’t. Now get your ass up. You need to finish putting everything together.”
“Our last day of break and we have to do stupid shit,” Zach grumbled, throwing the covers back. He saw the way she reacted to his nakedness and he grinned wolfishly, but before he could say anything, Lexi left the bedroom and sat down at the kitchen table.