“Typically, I would report you to the police for possible kidnapping and child endangerment, but I don’t believe that to be the case. He clearly trusts you and I will do my best to minimize the harm to either of you.” She pauses, glances away from me and toward the pool, then back to meet my eyes. “However, I cannot leave him in your care, not after there is so much evidence of his immediate danger and neglect. I will need to take him and he will be placed in a temporary home while we figure out the most stable circumstances for him. I will be pursuing a warrant which will allow Trevor to remain in protective custody. You will not be permitted to have any contact, at least for the time being. Do you understand?”
I know she’s telling me something that at any other moment would tear at my membrane, break me apart. The only thing I can focus on is how she must do this every day, how this woman stands in front of people like me and tells us the very thing that will most devastate us. How heartbreaking it must be to destroy that many spirits.
“Can I tell him?” The last thing I want to do is tell that boy he’s gonna be even more alone than he already thinks he is, but I also know it would be wrong to do it any different. I would rather break his heart than let a stranger do it.
“Sure. He’ll need a bag with all his necessary belongings. I’ll wait out here.” Mrs. Randall nods off at the pool, like it’s all over. She done her job.
When I reenter the apartment, Trevor is huddled in the same position I left him in, except now he has the blanket pulled fully up over his head and I can see the curled ball he has formed out of his body, as compact as a lanky boy can be. The floor creaks when I walk over to him, and I can see him shaking, the blanket rippling.
“It’s just me,” I say, trying to keep my voice as steady as I can. Try to make it sound like this is not the death of our life together, of dribbling and parties in the kitchen. “I gotta talk to you.”
I’m by the edge of the mattress now, kneeling on the floor. I lean my torso onto the bed and pinch the edge of the blanket, peeling it slowly from his head. His face is crumpling, everything scrunched up and puffy, tears trying to find their way out of his swollen eyes and getting trapped in creases above his cheeks. He’s shaking his head, his mouth moving without sound.
The boy is collapsing right in front of me, Trevor coming undone. I touch his forehead and it is hot, burning even. Like his body is rejecting itself, turning to flame so he might be able to defend himself against what comes next. It is tearing me apart and I think this must be the hardest thing I’ve done: being the adult for him, the woman who can keep it together as he falls apart because we don’t got another choice.
“I know, baby,” I say, nodding. Maybe I can reverse the hurt, stop the destruction with a smile. “Listen to me.”
His head is still shaking, pupils eclipsing his eyes.
I start humming again, lean so my mouth is right by his ear, loud enough that I know my hum is all he can hear, vibrations all he can feel. Gradually, he stops shaking his head, starts to sniffle. I stop humming.
“I need you to listen to me. Can you do that for me?”
This time, he nods once.
“That lady, she’s the woman that’s gonna bring you to a new house for a little while. She’s real nice and I bet if you ask her to turn on the radio in her fancy car, she will. Your mama ain’t coming home right now and I’m not allowed to keep you here no more, so you’re gonna go somewhere else until I figure it out. Okay? It’s not forever.”
Even as I say it, I know it might be. This might be the last time I see his face and I want to curl up with him, hide away until I’m ready for the goodbye. But I will never be ready to let him go and Mrs. Randall is outside waiting. His already plump, bruised lip jutting farther out and I know he’s trying real hard not to let this flood him.
I smile. “You might even go somewhere with some other kids. Then you can kick they asses in a pickup game, huh? Show them how you can dunk?” I put my hand beneath Trevor’s head and push up, so he knows it’s time to pull his body back into a seated position on the bed.
I grab his cheeks in my hands, just like Mama did for me last night, and stare at him like he’s the only thing that exists in this world. He might as well be the only thing that exists in this world.
“You gonna be just fine.”
I kiss the tip of his nose and pull him into my arms, where he burrows into the crease between my shoulder and neck. If I could stay just like this forever, I would. Holding him. Knowing he’s still intact. That Trevor’s gonna light up and dance again. I can almost feel Mrs. Randall’s heel clicking outside, her patience waning.