“I think I know what you mean,” Matthew said. “Being young was scary, but it was also interesting.”
She laughed again, and because they were standing so close, Matthew could smell the wine on her breath. “I think that’s what I miss,” she said. “Life being interesting.”
“Our kids are interesting.”
“Your kids are a little younger than mine. Yes, they’re interesting, but pretty soon they won’t be interested in you. Again, I’m being a baby.” She leaned in closer and squeezed Matthew’s hand. “Please don’t tell Nancy about this conversation. She wouldn’t understand.”
“I won’t,” he said. One of the kids, a scrawny girl wearing a swim vest, was tugging on Michelle’s skirt.
“I’m cold,” she said, and Michelle lifted her up and held her tight.
“Who are you again?” she asked the small child who had burrowed under her chin, shivering. Matthew rubbed the girl’s back. The girl said her name, but her face was pressed against Michelle’s sweater and neither of them heard it.
Matthew had thought about that moment a hundred times since then and the memory still had the power to make his chest hurt. It was ironic that he was now engaged in a conversation by candlelight with Michelle, and his wife would not be remotely jealous. Why was that? Was it because Michelle was a little overweight, a little older than them both? Maybe his wife had never noticed how beautiful Michelle’s pale brown eyes were.
Five minutes after they’d gotten home, and after Nancy had paid Michaela and sent her on her way （Matthew deliberately never looking at her）， he got a call from Pete Robinson.
“Michelle can’t find her phone. You guys didn’t pick it up off the table by any chance?”
It turned out that Michelle’s phone, the same model as Nancy’s, was in Nancy’s purse, alongside her own. Pete said that he’d drive over to get it.
“I’m so embarrassed,” Nancy said, and slurred the word. She was a little drunk, Matthew realized, a rare event.
“It’s no big deal. It’s not like you were trying to steal it. Were you trying to steal it?”
She smiled and asked if Matthew would wait outside for Pete. “I just want to go upstairs and get straight into bed.”
Matthew put on his warmest sweater and went outside with the phone to wait. The Robinsons’ Volvo pulled up, and he was surprised to see Michelle get out of the driver’s side. He came down the flagstone path and met her with the phone.
“I thought you’d be Pete,” he said.
“Disappointed?”
“No.” He handed her the phone.
“Pete wanted to watch his highlights, and he probably shouldn’t be driving anyway. I’m not sure I should be driving, but I guess I’m officially addicted to my phone.”
“We all are.”
They stood for a moment, the night silent around them, and Michelle suddenly said, “Matthew, how are you these days?”
Because the question surprised him, Matthew, without thinking, said, “I’ve been better. I worry about the kids, and Nancy, she’s … I guess I worry about her, as well.”
“It’s not my place to say it, but I think she’s hard on you.”
Just hearing those words caused something to tighten in Matthew’s chest. “She’s upset at me all the time and I don’t know why. And I don’t know how to stop it.”
“I’m not a marriage counselor,” Michelle said, “but if I was, I’d say that it’s not your fault. It’s not up to you to stop it.”
“I know that intellectually, but I don’t always feel it.”
“Understandable.”
“How about you and Pete?” Matthew said.
She hesitated, then said, “He’s been a good father, but he hasn’t looked at me in years. All he’s interested in is sports.”
“Have you talked with him about it?”
“I have. He promises to do better, but nothing changes, and now I feel selfish for even wanting more. Do you talk with Nancy?”
“I don’t think she sees herself the way that I see her, the way that other people see her. I don’t know … I don’t know what to do. But, no, I don’t really talk with her.”
The lamp above the front door, fitted with a motion sensor, went out, and Matthew and Michelle stood in the dark. He knew that if he took just a half step forward they would be kissing, and that he’d never be able to take that back. But he also realized that Nancy already thought he was cheating with any number of women, so maybe he should just go ahead and do it.