He said, I left her dead in the bedroom. Did I take something? I don’t think I took anything, not even Ulysses and Titania. I didn’t have much blood on me. I wiped it off on a jumper and left the jumper in the bedroom too. Nobody noticed. We had the next problem to hand. While the crazies made us wait, they’d flipped some of the faithful inside the dome. Told them I was busy plotting nuclear war or something else wildly unfair. When I walked back into the kitchen they were all shooting each other.
He said, I just kind of stood there and watched it happen, I think. It wasn’t like people shooting each other in a movie. You’d have someone shoot someone. Everyone would yell about it. Then someone else would shoot that person. It was all awkward, like they were angry but taking turns. A—’s little brother was there … dead in the middle … shot from both sides. Nobody likes a peacemaker. The more they shot each other, the angrier they got. I don’t think they even noticed me watching them. It was like I was invisible. They made each other dead in front of me, and I felt each one … like popping bubble wrap … only I held on to them, I collected them up. In the next room I found C— and N—。 They’d shot C— first … and right in front of my eyes they shot N—。 Pop. Bubble wrap. I don’t know what happened to them. This part gets a little weird, you know? Like I dreamed it. I remember P— behind a barricade … not dead yet … telling me, John, run. I remember A— and M—… they were alive … we all hid behind a kitchen table. I remember their hands in my hands … I remember A— telling me something, and M— saying, We’re together. We’ll go together.
But they found us, they were already there. They shot A— right in front of us … hauled me out … M— said, Take John alive. He’s worth more to you alive. And they shot her.
He stood there and he said: “Do you remember what I said was coming?”
She said, “Yes.”
He said, “This is the part where I hurt you. Are you ready?”
She said, “Yes.”
He said, You were screaming. I wanted you to stop, I wanted … I wanted you. I wanted you like a caveman wants a wildfire … or the sun. I thought you were going to take me, somehow. Purge me. Use me as an instrument. But you didn’t say anything … I was babbling, Show me. Come on. I’m ready. You kept screaming and screaming … like a baby in pain. So I tried to hurt you—I did hurt you. I reached out for you, and it hurt you … but I wasn’t strong enough. The caveman. The wildfire. The Neolithic priest staggering in front of the falling star.
He said, I felt P— go. G— was the last one alive. I reached out and stopped G—’s heart.
He paused and said, I’m still sorry it was Melbourne, honestly. Love a working tram service.
Abruptly, he turned around and walked out of the room, passed back into the kitchen. The skeletons knocked holes in the crusted-up glass so that air came rushing through to them, and he rattled the handle of the glass doors until they opened up and he could stand outside on the tiles. He stood there, his eyes glowing like lamps in the shadowed air, and he looked out at the sky.
He said, God, that hurt you. That stung. I ate every single death.
He said, I let go. In the body they’d paid me to puppet, I gave the command. That command was heard round the world … so many men with so many fingers on so many buttons. The world went down in dominoes. Launch one nuke, you’ll get twenty thousand anti-air missiles in response. SAM sites open up all over the earth, like wildflowers. One little nuke … then a lot of bigger nukes … Christ, why’d we have ’em? Nukes into nukes into nukes. They came out of subs and bunkers and scrambled jets. The funny thing is, it was all to try to make the other ones stop firing … like an old comedy sketch.
He said, First, I became a demigod. I nearly fell out of my body. I put my hand around half the world’s throats. Some of them I managed to snap before they were melted away by nuclear fire. I did them clean. Everyone died, but I helped a hell of a lot of them go before they knew anything had happened. I drank them in, and it wasn’t enough. I needed those ships. I needed to extend my hand. I got it around the throat of the other half. I made them go away too. Then I had control of everything on the surface, but not the ships … birds flying above the fire … kids playing keep-away.
He said, I put my hands around your neck.
He said, I cupped your soul in my hands.