“I did. For a long time. Until just now, really. And now I’m going to reveal the secret. And I guess we’ll see what happens.”
“What will happen?” she asked.
“I don’t know. I really don’t. But nothing bad. Probably something good. Something amazing.”
“I hope so,” she said. I could hear her breathing. “Can you tell me the secret right now?”
“I could. It’s just this line. It goes: The edge is a shantytown filled with gold seekers. We are fugitives, and the law—”
“—is skinny with hunger for us,” Junie said, finishing it.
“Why do you know that?” I asked, though I kind of knew. But it was still a surprise.
“You say it all the time, Mom,” she told me. “You said it when I was a baby.”
“I don’t think you remember being a baby, sweetie,” I said.
“Well, I do,” she said, defiant. “And you would say it to me at night, like . . . like a lullaby? I really do remember it.”
And I had, of course. I had told her every night, the only person I could tell, and I’d whisper it to her, the words piling up, but I said them so softly, underneath the sound machine, an ocean, which filled the room. But she had remembered.
“Well, that’s the secret,” I said. “That’s all it is.”
“I like it,” she said. “I like how it sounds. I like gold.”
“I know, sweetie,” I said. “I like gold, too.”
“We are fugitives,” she said.
“We are,” I told her.
“You and me?” she asked.
“Yes,” I told her.
“And Daddy?”
“Yes.”
“And Nana? And Pop-Pop and Gigi?”
“Yes.”
“And the Triplet Uncles? Uncle Marcus and Aunt Mina? And Dominic and Angie?”
“Yeah, I guess so. Yes.”
“And my teachers? All the kids at my school?”
“Yes.”
“And the whole world? Everyone in the world?”
“Yes, all of them.”
“And everyone that has ever lived?”
“Okay, sure.”
“And everyone that hasn’t been born yet but will be born? Them, too? They’re fugitives?”
“Well . . . yeah. Them, too.”
It was dark, but there were those little glow-in-the-dark stars on her ceiling, so many of them, like, we’d really let her go crazy with the glow stars, and I stared at them, the sky above us, the universe.
“Is it good to be a fugitive?” she finally asked.
“I think so,” I said. “It can be.”
“Good,” she finally said, and then she was fast asleep, unbothered. But I didn’t get up. Not just yet, but I knew I would.
Soon I would stand up and walk into the hallway and then into our bedroom, and into my own bed, with Aaron, and then the sun would come up, and light would fill the house, and I would wake up and things would go on from there. But right now, looking up at those stars that were not stars but more like stars than the real ones to me, I lay in that bed, breathing, alive. I said the line. Nothing had changed. I said it, and every single word was exactly the same, just as I had made it that summer. It would never change. So I said it again. And again. And again.
Acknowledgments
Thanks to the following:
Julie Barer, the most important person in my writing life, who has made so much possible for me, and everyone at the Book Group, especially Nicole Cunningham.
Helen Atsma, my editor extraordinaire, who helped me understand how to tell this story, and everyone at Ecco, especially Sonya Cheuse, Meghan Deans, Miriam Parker, and Allison Saltzman. I have been so lucky to be with Ecco from the beginning, and I cannot imagine where I would be without the support of this amazing publisher and these amazing people.
Jason Richman at United Talent Agency, for his kindness and support.
The University of the South and the English and Creative Writing departments, with gratitude for the opportunity to be a part of this community.
My family: Kelly and Debbie Wilson; Kristen, Wes, and Kellan Huffman; Mary Couch; Meredith, Warren, Laura, Morgan, and Philip James; and the Wilson, Fuselier, and Baltz families.
My friends: Brian Baltz, Aaron Burch, Sonya Cheuse, Lucy Corin, Lee Conell, Lily Davenport, Marcy Dermansky, Sam Esquith, Isabel Galbraith, Elizabeth and John Grammer, Jason Griffey, Brandon Iracks-Edeline, Kate Jayroe, Gwen Kirby, Shelley MacLauren, Kelly Malone, Katie McGhee, Matt O’Keefe, Cecily Parks, Ann Patchett, Betsy Sandlin, Matt Schrader, Leah Stewart, David and Heidi Syler, Jeff Thompson, Rufi Thorpe, Lauryl Tucker, Zack Wagman, and Caki Wilkinson.