Mum rubs my arm, absorbing Mack in soundbites. ‘Do you remember our neighbour’s dog when you were little?’
I nod. ‘Same kind of eyes.’
We sit beside each other in the quiet Salvation midnight.
‘Not many people make you feel as if you’ve swallowed stars,’ she says eventually.
I rub my index finger over the face of my watch. ‘Did Dad?’
She laughs, soft, remembering. ‘It’s taken me all these years to even go for coffee with another man, Cleo. Your father made me feel as if I’d swallowed the sun whole.’
I look towards the bright glow of Jupiter. ‘That’s a long time to be lonely,’ I say.
‘It is,’ Mum says. ‘Although I didn’t really have time to be lonely, not with four kids to take care of.’
I can’t imagine how hard it was for her in the early days. She’s made of stern stuff, my mum, she’s going to fit right in at knitting group.
‘And Anthony?’ I say. ‘How does he rate on the star-o-meter?’
She glances at me. ‘I’m not sure yet. A nibble around the edges of the moon, maybe.’
I smile. ‘Does it really taste of cheese?’
She laughs. ‘Good red wine and Italian meals, so far.’
Now I’m over the shock, I’m glad to hear about Anthony’s arrival on the scene. Mum deserves more than to live her life through her children and her grandchildren.
‘Mack’s invited me to the opening of his exhibition in a couple of weeks,’ I say. ‘In Boston.’
‘I saw it on the fridge,’ she says. ‘You should go.’
I look at her, surprised by her directness. ‘You think?’
‘Well, why not? You’ve sent your manuscript off now, the timing fits.’
‘It’s not just about timing,’ I say. ‘His whole life is there.’
‘He wouldn’t have sent you an invite if he didn’t want you to go,’ she says, reasonable.
‘Maybe,’ I say. ‘Or maybe it was a moment of weakness he already regrets. He didn’t reply to my NYE text, but then someone has to be the one who hangs up for the last time, don’t they? It’s a fitting date to underscore the end. Maybe he’s happy with his family again and wants us to be friends? Or perhaps he’s lonely and it’d be nice for him to have me around, but at what cost for me, Mum? I’m in a good place here.’ I splay my hands out towards the bay. ‘And I’m in a good place in here.’ I tap my fingertips against my forehead. ‘I’ve stumbled across magic here. I’m not ready to give that up on the off-chance of love.’
‘Cloudy with a chance of love,’ she says. ‘Like the film.’
‘That’s meatballs, Mum.’
‘And suddenly we’re back to Anthony again.’ She shoots me a coquettish look I don’t think I’ve ever seen on her before.
‘I’m going to try very hard to forget you said that,’ I laugh, pulling a face.
‘Think hard about Boston,’ she says. ‘Regrets get heavier as you get older.’
I nod. I’ve been thinking about it on and off since the invitation arrived.
‘Come on,’ I say. ‘Time we called it a night.’
I stand and give her a hand up, pulling her into a hug. ‘I’m so glad you came,’ I tell her.
‘I’m glad you came here too,’ she says.
I’m gratified she can see how much Salvation has changed me. I pick up our glasses and follow her inside, my eyes lingering on the invitation pinned to the fridge before I turn out the lamps.
Mack
26 February
Boston
OPENING NIGHT
So many of my important people have made the effort to be here tonight. Susie and the boys, Walt and Marie, my mom and my gran, my best friend, Daryl, and his wife, Charlotte. Their faces are welcome beacons in the gathered crowd, soothing my opening-night anxiety.
‘I’m really very proud of you today, son.’
Walt shakes my hand, his other hand a reassuring weight on my shoulder. He’s not a shirt-and-tie guy but he’s made the effort tonight, probably harassed into his navy sports jacket by Marie.
‘Well, I had a good teacher,’ I say.
The glint in his eye tells me he appreciates the compliment. Things between us are mostly good, if a little awkward sometimes. I know how hard it’s been for Susie’s folks to navigate the breakdown of their only child’s marriage; I’m grateful for their presence tonight, for the boys as much as myself. It tells them good things about the fluidity of our family, that even if the shape of things changes, the bonds that hold us all together are unbreakable.