Mack
3 October
Salvation Island
WHAT TIME IS THE NEXT BOAT?
‘I couldn’t get a hold of Barney.’
It’s not a lie; I did attempt to get in touch with my second cousin twice removed but without success. I don’t tell her that I didn’t hold much hope of catching him because I’m aware he’s off travelling and my experience of him to date would peg him as elusive, to say the least. I also don’t tell her that I’ve spent the majority of the last half-hour pacing around on the top of the hill trying to text the boys, even though it’s the early hours where they are. If I close my eyes and try really hard I can almost summon the scent of Nate’s shampoo when I bend to kiss him goodnight, the squeeze of Leo’s slender fingers in the dark when I turn out his lamp. I miss them down to my core, pieces of me left behind on another land mass.
‘Oh, for God’s sake,’ she says, chucking her beanie into the basket by the door with unnecessary force. ‘How hard did you try?’
I’m not in the mood to be told off by a stranger. ‘Hard enough, okay?’ I hear my own abruptness but don’t apologize. I’m getting tired of her sense of entitlement.
‘The store opens at eleven,’ she says, neutral. For a moment she reminds me of Nate’s old kindergarten teacher, an angelic-faced woman who always seemed on the verge of losing her shit. ‘Shall we head there, see if we can make sense of things? I think Brianne owns it, and hopefully she can get hold of Barney for us.’
‘Fine.’
She shoots me a look. ‘Fine.’
If I had a book, I’d pull it out now and read it for dramatic effect because I’ve been waiting outside the store for ten minutes and I’ve only just now caught sight of her huge red beanie coming towards me. We’d set out from the lodge together, but it wasn’t what you might call a pleasant walk. She was in a bad mood because her brand-new boots have rubbed the skin off her ankle and I was preoccupied with getting there and with thoughts of Susie and the boys. At one point I offered to give her a ride on my back, because I’m not wholly without a heart and to be honest I was sick of her whining, but she just stomped off so I left her to her own devices.
‘You made it,’ I say. If looks could kill, I’d be dead. I nod towards the door. ‘After you?’
I expect she was planning to go in first anyway, but it makes me feel better to think I had a choice. I’m not sure, but as she passes I think I hear her mutter, ‘Bloody fucking mountain,’ under her breath.
Inside, the store reminds me of the lake campsite I went to every summer as a kid. Random stuff piled next to each other on the shelves; flashlights next to canned soup, shower gel beside pet food, a cardboard sheet of hair combs hanging above a rack of birthday cards. It seems like there’s no one in the place until we approach the cash register, then a woman bounces out from behind a beaded curtain with a sandwich in her hand. Elfin-faced and pixie-cropped, she radiates energy like a light bulb at full brightness.
‘Oh, hi.’ She dips her hand behind the curtain to lose the food, brushing her hands on her jeans to get rid of the crumbs. ‘I’m so sorry, I expected you to be someone else.’ I instantly warm to her; if there’s a more welcoming accent than the Irish one, I have yet to hear it.
Her smile widens, a gleam of anticipation in her clear blue eyes as she looks at each of us in turn. ‘You must be our honeymooners.’
‘Honeymooners?’ I say.
‘Over at Otter?’ she says. ‘Sorry I couldn’t stay yesterday to meet you with the key – I usually do as a rule but it was my husband’s birthday.’
‘We’re not honeymooners,’ we both say at the same time.
‘I don’t even know him.’
‘And I don’t know her.’
The woman behind the counter narrows her eyes, confused. ‘Oh, okay. Well, I’ll start, will I? I’m Brianne,’ she says, bright and breezy as a kids’ TV show host. ‘And you are …？’ Brianne shifts her gaze between us, waiting for one of us to speak. For a moment neither of us breaks cover, probably for similar reasons. I deliberately haven’t asked her name, and she hasn’t asked for mine either. It’s not easy to analyse why knowing something as simple as her name feels like too much information. I guess she’ll become somebody rather than nobody, and I’d prefer her to stay a nobody, however harsh that may sound.
I sigh, about to speak, but she whips her paperwork out of her inside jacket pocket and pushes it across the counter to Brianne, who scans it and looks up.