‘Don’t apologize. I can see it must look pretty pathetic to you, as if I’m trying to hang on to something that isn’t mine any more.’ I sigh, grim. ‘Especially now.’
She frowns. ‘Why especially now?’
I don’t even want to say the words out loud. ‘I spoke to Susie. She’s … she’s seeing someone else. Her boss. For the last five months.’
Cleo stares at me, wide-eyed.
‘I know, right?’
‘Her boss.’ She nods slowly, her eyes full of compassion. ‘Unimaginative.’
‘Fucking cliché. I guess I should have seen it coming,’ I say, staring into the fire. ‘He’s always been overly friendly, I mean, the man calls her Susie Sausage.’
‘Well, that’ll never last.’ Cleo rolls her eyes. ‘Cutesy nicknames are top of the poll for reasons to break up. And I know that for a fact because I wrote the poll.’
‘He wears cartoon cufflinks too,’ I say.
‘Scrap unimaginative and change it to dull,’ she says.
‘Let’s keep both and add …’
‘Cockwomble?’ she suggests.
It makes me laugh. ‘Cockwomble? So British, Cleo.’
She laughs too. ‘It sounds even funnier when you say it.’
‘Okay. So he’s a dull, unimaginative cockwomble,’ I say. ‘I’ll be sure to tell him next time I see him.’ In all honestly, I’d rather never lay eyes on the guy again. I roll my head back against the sofa and look her way. ‘I’ve never met anyone like you before, Cleo, you have a way of making things seem better.’ I sigh. ‘I’ll miss you when I leave.’
She stares at me, her dark eyes serious now. ‘You’re leaving?’
I knew the second I heard Leo’s voice that I need to be there when they get back from the lake. ‘In eight days – I booked a flight this afternoon. It was one thing for my boys to handle me not living with them any more, but this … this Robert thing … I need to be around for them, let them see everything’s still okay, that I’m there as their dad, even if there’s another man in their lives.’
She holds my gaze. ‘Yeah. I think you need to be there too,’ she says.
It surprises me. I didn’t expect her to say that.
‘I didn’t have my dad around when I was growing up,’ she says. ‘And there have been so many times over the years when I’ve wished he was there for me to talk to, you know?’ Her eyes shine with tears. ‘He’s become a sort of absent superhero in my eyes.’
‘That’s some billing.’
‘But you don’t have to be absent, Mack. You can just be their superhero.’
My God, this woman. I swallow painfully.
‘Words are your superpower, Cleo. I’m not surprised you’re a writer.’
She slides her wine glass on to the table and runs her hands down her face, a gesture I’ve come to realize means she’s working herself up to say something.
‘You know what? You’re right. Words are my thing, but the right ones are deserting me now at the very time I need them the most.’
I’m not sure what she means. ‘You’re struggling with your column?’
‘No, it’s not that.’ She glances at the ceiling for a second, as if she’s hoping to find the words she’s looking for printed on the old wooden beams. ‘Okay. It’s this … It’s you. And me,’ she says, and turns to face me. ‘I need to say something and I’d really like it if you let me get to the end without interrupting me.’
The look in her eyes tells me that, whatever it is, it might be more difficult to hear than I anticipate, but I nod anyway.
‘I know we agreed to never mention our kiss again, but I’ve been thinking about it. A lot, actually. And if you take all of the reasons why we shouldn’t have kissed out of the equation and just think about the actual kiss itself, it was – for me at least – a heat-of-a-thousand-suns kind of kiss. If all the kisses in my life were a list, ours would be in flashing lights at the top.’ She mimes flashing light bulbs in the air with her hands. ‘I know we both have complicated, busy lives away from this place, Mack, and I’m under no illusion that we’re not going to go back to them. I’m fully aware that we’ll never see each other again after we leave Salvation, but we’re here now, and I’m adult enough to sit here and say I want you. Not for ever. I know you’re not my for ever. And I’m not asking you to be. I don’t need you to love me, Mack. But I want you. For one burn-bright-then-burn-out beautiful week.’ She pauses, breathless. ‘I came here to be alone. But now, what I think I need – what I know I need – is the best no-holds-barred holiday romance ever. No guilt from you. No expectations from me.’