‘Never. I didn’t even know it existed.’
Robyn felt pleased at that – as if the place were more special because of their discovering it together. She wished she had a camera with her now. She wanted to capture something about this moment, and yet she knew a photo would never do it justice – the chalky scent of the sun-warmed rocks, the fresh breeze lifting from the sea, a white-winged bird circling, and then Fen, sitting beside her, arms wrapped easily around her knees, spine curved, the silver stud in her nose catching in the sunlight as she turned.
‘How come you’ve not been back to the island for seven years?’
There was a pause before Fen answered. ‘Not all the memories are good ones.’
Yesterday, before their hike, she’d caught Fen removing an old photo of herself from the lounge, shoving the gilt frame to the back of a cupboard. She’d wanted to ask her about it – Why that photo? What does it mean to you? Why don’t you want to look at it? – yet she sensed that the act was private, not meant to be seen.
‘I’m sorry,’ Robyn said, not knowing what for – only that she was.
They were both quiet for a time.
Then Robyn asked, ‘Are you pleased to have come back?’
Fen turned and looked directly at Robyn. ‘Yes, I think I am.’
31
Lexi
The yacht drifted lazily on its anchor. A breeze ruffled the sea, sending light waves lapping against the hull.
Lexi lay on her towel, her arms a pillow for her head. Beside her, Bella unclipped her bikini top. ‘You can’t go topless!’ Lexi said.
‘I’m sure Yannis has seen breasts before. Admittedly none quite as sensational as these.’ She hung the bikini top over the guardrail.
‘You’ll make the others uncomfortable,’ Lexi whispered, reaching across Bella, unhooking her bikini, and flinging it at her. ‘On! I mean it!’
‘They make me uncomfortable,’ Bella stage-whispered, glancing towards the stern, where Ana and Eleanor were reading in the shade. She wriggled the bikini back into place, keeping the straps off her shoulders. ‘In Ibiza we sunbathed all summer in nothing but thongs.’
‘That was Ibiza.’
‘God, I wish we were still eighteen and could disappear for a whole summer. I miss that freedom. The lifestyle we had. Don’t you? Partying. Dancing through the night. Music drumming so hard in your chest, you think it’s your own heartbeat. The roar of a crowd beneath a strobe of lights. That’s how we’ve always done life, isn’t it? Hard, fast, together.’
‘I know,’ Lexi smiled, full of nostalgia.
‘And now here you are – engaged, pregnant, a bloody yoga teacher!’ Bella laughed.
‘Are you ever going to get over the yoga bit?’
‘Om-likely.’
Lexi snorted. ‘Anyway, nurse to jeweller. You had your own career swerve.’
‘We’re just getting our mid-life crises out the way early.’ Eyeing Lexi’s stomach, she asked, ‘Will you still be able to teach with a passenger in tow?’
‘For a while at least. I guess my body will let me know.’
‘Have you had any morning sickness?’
‘Not really. A few waves of nausea, but that’s it.’ She pressed her fingertips to the wooden deck. ‘Touch wood.’
‘Still planning on waiting till you’re home to tell Ed?’
A warming smell of garlic rose from the galley kitchen, where Yannis was preparing lunch. She nodded. ‘We’ve only got two more nights. Then I can tell him in person.’ She looked at her hands, the diamond on her engagement ring sending a shoal of light swimming across her legs. She felt that same strange unease tightening her chest.
Her thoughts circled back to the Mr and Mrs quiz, something bothering her. ‘Last night when you did the quiz—’
‘Still sorry!’
‘Y’know that question about my bad habits? It got me thinking about Ed and … well, whether he knows all those weird little things about me, like you and Robyn do.’
‘You want him to know about the pillow drool?’
‘It’s just …’ She hesitated, unsure how to explain. ‘Sometimes I think Ed has this image of me as being … more than I am.’
‘We all put our best foot forward in a new relationship.’
Is that it? Lexi couldn’t help wondering if there were parts of herself she was keeping hidden because she sensed that Ed wouldn’t like them. That they wouldn’t fit his image of the Lexi he described as graceful, stylish, classy. Gently, almost without noticing, she was bending into a version of herself that she knew he wanted.