Robyn laughed again.
‘But then slowly, I guess my thoughts began to quieten a little, long enough for me to start following my breath, being still. It’s liberating, Robyn. Doing something for you. Not for other people. Not for an audience – whether that’s a paid audience in a dance show, or your family, or your friends, or society, or whoever it is you decide you are performing for.’ She paused. She looked closely at Robyn. ‘Maybe we all need to stop trying to meet everyone else’s expectations – and just meet our own.’
‘Thank you,’ Robyn said with feeling. ‘That’s exactly what I needed to hear. Hey, and Lex? For the record, I’m really pleased that you’re happy now. That you found yoga.’
Lexi smiled.
‘And found Ed.’
She kept smiling. Made sure she did.
Sun flared from the whitewashed steps as they climbed towards the villa. A wave of tiredness rolled over Lexi. Her head felt busy, unsettled; she wanted to retreat to her room, alone. Think.
‘There you both are!’ Bella said, raising her head from the sun lounger, oversized sunglasses balanced on her nose. ‘Come! Sit with me! I’ve been on my own all morning. I have drinks!’ She reached down to raise a jug filled with something alcoholic.
Lexi felt herself quietly groan. All she wanted right now was some time alone, but she knew Bella would feel neglected if she didn’t join her. ‘Sure,’ she smiled, then opened the sun umbrella on the lounger beside Bella’s. Robyn disappeared into the villa saying she’d fetch them drinks.
Bella topped up her own glass, giggling as it spilled over the side. She was drunk, Lexi realised. Course she was. Her smile got that bit bigger and brighter, and there was a loosening of her movements, something more expansive.
All those nights they’d got ready together in one of their bedrooms, music playing, make-up tumbled across the carpet, applying thick flicks of liquid eyeliner, the burned-hair scent of their straighteners mixed with hairspray. She could almost taste the cheap slide of lipstick and vodka. There were moments, so many, that were strung through with gold. She didn’t regret that time – and yet, she couldn’t help wondering why, in all those nights out, she’d never once turned to Bella and said, You know what, I don’t want this. I’m sad all the time. Something feels wrong inside me.
Why hadn’t she? Because she’d assumed Bella would’ve said, ‘I’ve got just the solution,’ and produced a bottle of spirits or pack of pills with a magician’s flourish. But as she looked at Bella now, she wondered, Maybe you’re not happy. Maybe you don’t know how to tell me.
She squeezed Bella’s hands and said, ‘Babe, is everything okay?’
‘Absolutely fan-fucking-tastic! Fen and I have just broken up!’
Robyn, returning with the drinks, halted. ‘Oh, Bella!’
Bella laughed. ‘It’s fine! Relax! We’re both cool about it.’
Lexi said, ‘I’m so sorry—’
‘Nope. We’re not doing pity. Or break-up therapy. It’s the last day of the hen weekend. All I want to do is have a good time!’ She raised her glass. ‘Understood?’
Robyn and Lexi exchanged glances. ‘Understood.’
They sipped their drinks in silence.
‘Eleanor!’ Bella called moments later, seeing her emerge onto the terrace to clear glasses. ‘What is on the menu later?’
‘Bella!’ Lexi hissed. ‘Eleanor, join us for a drink?’
‘No, thanks,’ she said, her gaze flicking coolly to Bella, before she returned inside the villa.
Lexi remembered what Eleanor had said out on the water. ‘You told Eleanor I only invited her on the hen do because I feel sorry for her.’
Bella shrugged. ‘Well, you do, don’t you?’
‘I wanted to get to know her better. We’re going to be sisters-in-law. You should make more of an effort with her. She’s had a rough time.’
‘Yeah, I know, you said. Her boyfriend died.’ Her breath smelt alcoholic as she stage-whispered, ‘Have you checked she didn’t bump him off?’
‘Bella!’ Robyn said.
‘What? There’s something creepy about her, you’ve got to admit.’
Lexi stood. She knew Bella was hurting over the break-up, but it didn’t excuse cruelness.
‘I’m only messing,’ Bella said, rising to her feet and sauntering towards the pool. She slinked down the steps, giving a shiver as the cool water met her skin.