I hope they are friendlier than the spruce as I hunker down and crawl forward. My hands hurt, my arms are tired. The knife and I are no longer such great friends as I resume sawing through a sticky mess of branches. I learn the hard way that placing a knee on a fallen pine cone really smarts.
I finally sit back on my haunches, breathing heavily.
I find myself gazing fretfully all around us. Is the hunter close? Watching, laughing? Or preparing his ambush of someone else? Maybe stalking Daisy herself?
I can’t have that thought; I start feeling ill.
“Tell me about yourself,” I say abruptly, returning to a particularly stubborn limb lined with forked tongues of green needles.
“Me? Like what?”
“Do you miss Latisha? And how exactly does one woman ensnare an entire group of guys, anyway? Is she like some millennial version of Helen of Troy?”
“Was Helen of Troy a six-foot-tall Black goddess with an intoxicating laugh, a great sense of adventure, and a wiseass wit?”
“I never read the book.”
“I have a girlfriend,” Neil says abruptly.
This is more interesting. None of the guys have talked about other girlfriends or wives.
“Her name is Anna Hajlasz. I’d just started dating her before . . . I was going to bring her to the wedding as my plus one.”
“You haven’t brought her up before.”
“I, um, I haven’t told the others about her.”
I stop sawing long enough to glance at Neil. “Hang on a sec. You’ve been dating this Anna for over five years, and you haven’t even mentioned her to your friends?”
“It’s a sore subject between her and me,” Neil admits.
“You think?”
“My family has all met her. And my other friends, coworkers. It’s not that I keep her hidden away. I just . . . I don’t talk about her with Scott, Miguel, and Josh.”
“Because of Latisha?” I’m honestly confused.
“No. I don’t even think of Latisha anymore. Yeah, I had a crush on her. But seriously, three dates? I understood what Scott was saying. There’s a difference between infatuation and love. Once, I was infatuated with Latisha. Five years later, I’m in love with Anna.”
“So why don’t you tell them?”
“I don’t know.”
“Sure you do.”
Neil is quiet. I return to sawing, calling over my shoulder. “You know, we’re probably gonna die soon. Might as well get it off your chest.”
“I don’t want to share her,” he blurts out.
“You’re afraid one of them might steal her? Like Tim did with Latisha and then Scott did with Latisha?”
“Not that. I don’t want to share. I want her to be just mine, to belong to only me. Afterwards . . . The five of us, we basically spent a decade all mixed up with one another. College pranks, first loves, job opportunities. There’s nothing that doesn’t lead back to all of us and who said what and who did what. After Tim. Losing him. Losing us. I wanted something that was just mine.”
“Not property of Dudeville?”
“Not part of the fucked-up twenty-something I’d been. The kid who failed his best friend.”
“Awfully hard on yourself.”
“Don’t worry, I think Scott, Miggy, and Josh suck, too.” But there’s no heat in his voice.
“After this, do you think you might introduce her to them?”
“She wants to get married.”
“And you?”
“Actually, I can’t think of anything I’d like more. She’s the one. I knew it almost as soon as I met her.”
“But you haven’t proposed?”
“I couldn’t. I can’t imagine getting married because I can’t imagine . . .” There’s a hitch in Neil’s voice. “I can’t imagine standing at an altar and not having Tim there. I can’t stomach attending the wedding he never got. It’s the real reason Miggy, Josh, and I didn’t go to Scott’s wedding. Jesus, just the sight of a tux. One of the last things we did was the final fitting. Five us, laughing so damn hard and sticking each other with those pins . . .” Neil’s voice trails off. “I always thought PTSD was triggered by big things like the clap of thunder. But for me, it’s the sight of grown men dressed like penguins.”
“I’m sorry,” I tell him honestly, finally twisting off a lower branch.
“Yeah, well, now I feel like the world’s biggest idiot,” Neil is saying. “Anna’s been waiting five years for me to come to my senses. I sure as hell had better get off this mountain so I can make things right.”